A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid:My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 2 years. We have talked about marriage and he has said that since he has been married before that he will not get married again or he will, it will just be in 10 to 15 years. He was married before, but his wife had numerous affairs while he was in Marine Corps in Iraq. They have one child together. He feels that he is scared to get married because of the "consequences." We have been living together for almost a year and he has always told me that living together is a preliminary step towards marriage. I know that someday I want to get married, but I know that it is not right now, it will be a couple of years down the road. I love him and I am happy with him. I am sure that I am not being used in the relationship and I know that he has a good heart, but I am confused on what I need to do. Should I stay with him and just see if he is testing me for the future or should I discuss this with him and maybe that may end the relationship? Help.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2007): i have been with a guy for 10 months and i know he is the one...but am scared to bring up the subject we have both been married once befor and he used to say he would never get married...but recently he has been saying that our relationship will lead to marriage... i hope this is so
A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (6 September 2007):
 I doubt he will marry you. If marriage is important to you, then find someone else. If marriage is NOT important to you, then stick with him.
Aside from marriage, do you plan to have kids...with him? If he does not know if he wants kids with you by 2 years, then it means he is not thinking long term at all with you.
-Frank B Kermit
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2007): Talk to him and explain just how you feel. How old is he? Is there much of an age gap? He has been severely wounded in the past and he has taken a battering, so i can honestly understand just how he feels. It is now up to you as to whether you want to wait, which could be a long time, or do you want to work at this and show him, in time, that you are not going to do the same as his ex, and love him forever. You may have a long and rough road to go along, depending on how deep his hurt goes.
Take care
xx
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A
female
reader, TaylorChu +, writes (5 September 2007):
 Umm living together is NOT a preliminary to getting married. That's garbage. That is a co-out people do to see if they can actually live with someone. If it fails then they say "it didnt work. we werent meant to be married," INSTEAD of sticking through it because they made a promise to go thru heaven or hell together. Hun, you are getting used. He doesn't want to get married now but you are in a house together, sharing a bed acting like husband and wife, RIGHT? Can you honestly say that you dont mind getting married until 10 or 15 years down the line (you'll be in your early 30s-40s)? What if he doesnt want anymore kids? You are left out in the cold with no heirs of your own if you stay with this guy. ALSO, he has an ex wife and a child. You will always have to deal with them if you are married to him. Any money you make will go to feed his kid or it will actually go into the hands of the ex-wife--thats money YOU earned, butsted your chops for to give to another woman who couldnt make it work with your current boyfriend.
Don't be his pretend wife. Tell him marry me or I am leaving. Marriage doesnt have consequences the decisions of people DO. marriage is a good thing when you put your whole self into it, are willing to see it as a PARTNERSHIP and love each other no matter what and not give into lust of other people. If he has trust issues then he needs to work them out before being with another person. I personally see your life and your time being wasted with someone who is just wanting a warm body in the bed and no commitment to anything.
DISCUSS with him ALL the desires you have about being married, having and raising kids and the goals you want to complete in this life. If they dont match up or are even in a similar ball park then get out that relationship and dont be a fake wife for any man. Live your life and settle down AFTER you have accomplished many of the things on your list of goals.
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