A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I hope someone can help me.I have met an amazing guy over the last few months. Everything has been going great. We had a temporary split for a couple of weeks as he had confidence issues and said he needed to sort himself out. We got back together he realised he had done a mistake, missed me etc. It was up to me though to make the first move and contact him. I asked if he would have contacted me but he said he wouldnt have done for fear of me turning round and telling him I didnt want to see him again. We got back together with things being even better now its happened again with him saying he cant do relationships and wants to be single. He says he doesnt believe me when I tell him I love him and doesnt think he can love me. I know he was badly hurt 5 years ago by his one and only girlfreind. He used to be able to talk to me about her but now he says its non of my business and he doesnt want to talk about her.I am unsure what to do whether to leave him alone and always wonder if he changed his mind knowing he wouldnt contact me for fear of me saying I didnt want to see him like he did last time or should I contact him like I did the last time and try and get him to trust me that I really do love him?I hope someone can help me and give some good advice as to what I should do and whether the guy will ever be able to get over his past hurt..
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male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (1 January 2010):
This guy has too many unresolved issues to make him worth your time I'm afraid, no matter how much you love him. You could be waiting for hundreds of years and he still won't change. He clearly isn't over his ex, and until he is, he isn't worth your time. You now have to be brave and strong for yourself, and let him go. Don't waste time on someone who just doesn't' love you.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2010): Tell him and mean it, that you love him. Look him straight in the eyes and tell him that you are not his ex girlfriend.
Tell him he needs to make a choice. Let his ex ruin the rest of his life because she, one girl out of billions, lied to him. That he can't trust another woman. If he does this he will live a lonely life.
Or, he Can choose to trust you. As you haven't given him a reason not too. And possibly life a loving, happy, healthy life. Take a risk.
A real man will take a risk and try to be happy. Rather than live in fear.
I'm sure he had a hurtful experience but 5 yrs is a long time.
Be as nice and loving as you can when you tell him this. Let him feel your sincerity in your voice; but be firm. You need a man, not a boy anymore. You need someone who will help you in life, not dwell on past misfortunes or mistakes.
If he really desires to love or have a relationship with you he will take a chance. Maybe not right away, but he will. Unless he is content being lonely.
As for the ex; the less she is talked about the better. Talking about it or her won't help him any. It'll just bring up mad memories of hurt and resentment. He needs to forget about her; like f she never existed.
Don't bring her up. This is about you and him.
Good luck
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