A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:How can you tell if a guy is scared of getting hurt or never has plans to take it to a serious commitment? Are there ways of making him make a decision like jealously or should you give him more time? I've given it 5 months and don't want to waste my time but I enjoy being with him. Or what can I say or do to him to get my answer without pressuring him? We are exclusive but we have no title in this relationship yet.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2008): Talk to him about the future; not about you and the relationship; be more subtle, ask about what his goals are for the future; where does he see himself in 5 years or ten years; he might bring the relationship into it and make reference to it; he might include you or he might not; but it surely will give you a very good indication of this guys dreams and goals and if this relationship means as much to him you will be able to get the info you want; if not, vow, be cautious he might not be ready for the long term thing; give him time and be patient.
GOOD LUCK
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2008): I agree jealousy it's not a good solution, plus if he's afraid of being hurt, you'll just end up reassuring his fears.
I think is about what you want, are you in love with him? Do you want to be with him? Is he respectful to you? Does he make you feel cherished and loved? Are you honest to each other? You say you are already "exclusive", so why do you want a title for?
If you want to have children soon and he doesn't, well that's a different story, because the biologycal clock is ticking and your decition won't affect only one life.
I've been with my partner for more than six years and we are in a loving, respectful and honest relationship, no titles though. Since we started dating he told me he wasn't ready for another realtionship (had just gotten out of a long one)and I know he's afraid of getting hurt. He refers to me as his "girl" with his friends, and presented me to some members of his family as his girlfiend, but I see that more as protocols.
I'm not planning of having children yet (not sure if I will) and I love him and love spending time with him, so I see no use in a title. For me love is in actions, not in words, but it's all about what we like and feel confortable with, if you find it important to be in an official relationship, there's no point in hiding it from him, or tricking him into commiting. Talk to him about it openly, tell him what's important for you and how you feel, let him tell you those things to and see if you can come to some point in the middle, if you both care about each other and the relationship (tile or not) you can campromise somethings to make each other feel happy.
If you want to have children, you should talk to him about this to.
Don't worry. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2008): How about just ask him straight? He will probably answer you
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