A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi when i was 15 i started going out with this boy we were madly in love for about two years in the last 6 months it became very stormy as he had a wandering eye. Any way we broke up and both moved on he has been with his girlfriend about 3 years and i met my fiance who i have been with for 4 years i love him very much and we have a son together he is 13months old. The problem is i cant stop thinking about this boy and i miss him so much i have been like this for about 6 months i long to contact him and dream of the day he will come looking for me though i doubt it will ever happen as i have heard he has just got engaged and is madly in love i dont know if i should tell him how i feel and let him decide or leave it please help? sxx
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male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (22 October 2007):
 I don't think your ex will ever return to you. First, it doesn't sound like he loves you anymore. This is the major obstacle. But, he is enganged, so are you, and you have a child. I'm afraid of using the word "impossible", but I would say it is very highly unlikely that he will ever return to you. Even if he had that inclination, serious obstacles would need to be cleared for him to be with you again.
I'm more interested in your personal situation. You say you are in a relationship of four years, with a man you love very much, with a baby boy. Yet you dream of the other guy. Are you really happy in your relationship? It doesn't seem so. If you were very happy, in a loving relationship, why would you dream of being with someone else?
What do these four years really mean to you? Do you really love this man?
You have everything to be happy: a loving fiancé, a baby boy, a stable relationship. Not many women would leave that to go after a dream that may well be a nightmare. Do you remember the wandering eye your ex used to have?
I suggest that you do a lot of thinking about where you are now. If you don't love your fiancé, tell him so. He deserves to know.
Take care.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2007): To me it sounds like the reason you seem to miss him all of a sudden is not because you actually love him or because he's "the one," but rather, perhaps, something is going on in your life that isn't quite right and that is why you are looking to the past. If things were going great for you then you probably would not be thinking about this guy at all. But remember that your illusion of him is nothing but an illusion. It's not a realistic portrayal of who he is. The mind is very powerful and can make us believe things that are so far from reality.
Look it has happened to me before. When stuff in my life isn't going well, then all of a sudden I might think about rekindling friendships or relationships that really weren't ideal to begin with. But when things aren't going well for me, these people all of a sudden seem so much better than they really are. You really don't need this guy in your life. You are probably better off without him. So rather than focusing on him and getting in touch with him, you should focus instead on fixing whatever the problem is in your life that is making you have to resort to rekindling the past in your mind. Maybe it is that you haven't achieved what you wanted in life. Maybe your bf is not as good as you thought. Maybe you should get out of that relationship. You just need to rearrange stuff in your personal life so that you can be happier and way more fulfilled that way you can leave the past where it once was... in the past.
And if things are meant to be they will unfold no matter what. But you can't sit around dwelling on them. You got to move forward. So fix things in your life so that you can be way happier and not think about the past.
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A
female
reader, terrifenby +, writes (22 October 2007):
 your first love, this is the one thats worse because no matter how old you were you will always love them, always compare your current boyfriends to them and maybe you dont even relise you're doing it!! just sit down and think about what you have got at the monent and think do you really want to risk losing what you have got for a relationship that if you went back to might not be what you expect!? people change so the person you feel in love with when you were 15 might not be the same person any more! there isnt much more i can sasy excapt i really hope you make the right decision
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