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female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: Hi thereI was wondering if anyone had an opinions about my situationIm 21 years old and am head over heels for a guy the same age as me. He has been messaging me all day ever day for atleast a month now. I spend a couple of nights a week with him (yes i am sleeping with him) His the sweetest kindest and most caring guy iv ever met but at the same time iv never had someone make me so happy and so upset at the same time. He says his not ready for a girlfriend (we both broke up with our exes around Janurary not knowing each other at the time) yet he says he likes me enjoys my company misses me etc.Im so confused and upset i hate being a friend with benifits but cant bring myself to stop seeing him. Iv told him how i feel and he says he never wants to hurt me but just isnt ready. Should i wait around hoping he will change his mind or is this a common situation thats going to end im tears?thanks heaps
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2010): Hi guyss I'm having a similar problem... I have been seeing this guy for a few months now (I have not been sleeping with him) ... He comes down basicully every night after work and college and we watch some t.v and chat. We do sleep in the same bed, although we are not having sex. He seems really keen and we have alot of fun together. I pulled someone else at a party at the weekend and when I saw him I asked him where we were at on the seeing other people aspect and he said "why? did you pull someone?" and I didn't say anything and he said "you did didn't you". I asked if he would care and he said "of course I would". Then he said "I'm going to be honest with you, I really like you but I don't want a girlfriend. Whats the point in a relationship? they only end in tears and I don't want to be thinking you're going to dump me everyday" (he was messed about by his last girlfriend) ... He got upset after saying this and started to cry a little ... he turned away from me and when I asked him what was wrong he said nothing. I told him it's ok, I think it would be to soon to be in a relationship right now anyway. He also said he thinks we should only pull other people if we feel a connection and think it's going to go somewhere. I'm really confused and don't know if I should end it. I don't want to end up feeling alot for him and it not going anywhere!! help!! x
A
female
reader, karen1989  +, writes (7 July 2010):
 i came out of a situation like this not long ago. i was seeing him for a year and a half and was not aware that he was also seeing another girl and having a lot of one night stands. I pressured him for a relationship after about a year and he said i'd left it too late after this conversation he distanced himself from me until the point where there wasnt really anything going on between us anymore-he just kinda ignored me. i really fell for him in that year and a half and have found it SO hard to get over him its been about 4 or 5 months since i ended it and i still think about him every day.
END IT NOW before the feelings you already have for this guy grow stronger and you get hurt. x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2010): I agree with the others. I am currently in a developing friendship with a guy I've known for about 2 mons. and he told me that he does not want a relationship. I however did not ask him to be in a relationship it came up in our conversations but just by talking to me people know I am a relationship not screw buddy person. Yes we talk everyday and he shows lots of signs of liking me/wanting to sleep with me; but u never get physical with a man that is not your boyfriend. Once a woman gets physical they get emotionally attached men don't get attached. Why do women feel like sleeping with a guy will make him want to date you, it will just make him want to keep getting the sex for free. If I was a guy nice or not and I was getting sex when I wanted but still could play the field why would I stop. You need to think like a guy. I would stop sleeping with him. When a man wants you he wants you, I know this guy that I am talking to will always and only be my friend though we are attracted to each other; so I am going out on dates with others you should do the same. Plus this guy sounds like he does not respect you anymore, and you allowed that by sleeping with him. Sorry I was so harsh, we all make mistakes and this was yours just think of it as lesson learned.
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (18 June 2010):
 Why would he want a relationship when he's getting both your company and body already but without the restrictions that come with exclusive dating?
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A
female
reader, xanthic  +, writes (18 June 2010):
 He enjoys your company and misses you because you're having sex with him. When you're already sleeping together, there's no such thing as 'not being ready' for a girlfriend. It's just an excuse he's using to keep you attached while he keeps his options open.
He's not going to want a relationship with you while you're willingly giving him the benefits of one, without actually being in one.
Face it, he's not going to change if you can't keep your legs closed. Stop sleeping with him if you want to be taken seriously as a potential girlfriend.
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A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (18 June 2010):
 I am really sorry but this one will probably end in tears. He maybe Mr Nice Guy, but he may just be pretending to be to get what he wants which is you in his bed when he wants. I would say as a consenting adult if you want a purely sexual relationship with this man, fine go ahead and enjoy a fling. Obviously you are looking for something deeper than that and you won't get it from him. When men are into you, they are banging your door down and sending a clear message as to their intentions. Sadly by waiting around for Mr Unavailable you are excluding the possibility of meeting someone really nice who commits to dating you and treats you with respect. If he was a true gent then he wouldn't be sleeping with you knowing you have deeper feelings for him - it is cruel. But he is placing his sexual needs higher than the emotional consequences for you. That is telling about who he is, but it is also telling about you because you are sleeping with him after confessing your feelings and being rejected. You are looking at him through rose-tinted glasses because you think you love him and having sex with him has confused you even more. I would say stop sleeping with him and then see if he wants to remain friends with you. It is the only way to tell if he really likes you. By stopping the sex, you also get a chance to disentangle the physical relationship from your judgement of him as a person. By this I mean you hope for a proper dating couple relationship because you sleep with him and feel bad about it being something casual - if you were dating 'properly' then it would be ok to have the physical relationship. This is obviously hurting you deeply and it is time to respect yourself enough not to let him have the friends-with-benefits arrangement if that is not what you want.
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