A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ok so I am stumped on a big life scenerio. I am 25 years old and have 2 beautiful boys with their dad (we will call him John Doe). We have been in a relationship since we were both 15 years old...we did split up for about a year and a half when we got to college. We eventually started seeing eachother again and I got pregnant with my first son. We never moved in together but when I got pregnant with our second son we started looking for a house together. We found one...both put a lot of money into it and moved in before I had my son. We have lived together now for almost a year now and I am now feeling like the whole marriage thing will never happen. When we broke up that one time in college we stopped telling eachother that we loved eachother because of the pain that we had both went through from eachother. But after a year of having our first son I felt like I could say it again and mean it...so I did and he didn't tell me back...so I waited a long time before I said it again. I recently told him again and of course still didnt tell me back. Now don't get me wrong...he is awesome and treats me like he loves me...cooks for me, hugs and kisses me, watches the kids for me, buys me things...everything but just won't tell me. And now that his younger brother who is only 19 has gotten engaged it has made me realize that I want that soon. I have waited for this forever. Every holiday I would hope that he had a ring...never happened though. And when I sit and think about it..I realize he has to at least tell me he loves me before we asks me to marry him so then I realize that it might me a long while before I ever get engaged. I really am tired of waiting...we have a house, 2 kids, and a big past together. At the same time I feel like I can't leave him for those reasons also...So I dont know what to think is going on with him...and I think I came to the conclusion that I might just have to give up and let him win...no i love yous, no wedding, no ring...just stay the way it is for my kids and for the money that i put into our home. Should I just give him time before getting all upset about this??
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broke up, engaged, I love you, money, moved in, split up, wedding Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Gridrebel +, writes (15 January 2010):
 Should you give him time???? Are you kidding? How much time does he need? And, why SHOULD he marry you? He has got a maid, a mom for his kids, someone to fund half of his domestic financial obligations. Why buy the milk when the cow is free? Hellllooooo. You have been with him for 9 years and you can't come out and ask: "Hey, why don't you say you love me and why aren't we married yet?" You need to mature and grow a backbone. You have two kids for crying out loud. Think of them.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2010): Why do you feel he needs to marry you to show he loves you? You could confront him about not saying he loves you, it may be because he prefers showing that he loves you rather than saying it or it may be something bigger.
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