A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am of mostly Indian origin and a bit mixed. I have always been considered attractive and have always had men after me because apparently I look exotic. I have a Swedish boyfriend who is absolutely lovely and is what I've heard from friends quite taken in by me.However, I have this insecurity that maybe he ultimatelty prefers Swedish blonde women over me. I don't know why I have this insecurity but because maybe I've heard Swedish women are very attractive etc. I am insecure that when he tires of my so called 'exoticness', he'll prefer someone like him. Am I mad to feel like this? Has anyone from a racial minority felt like this when they have had only white boyfriends. I don't know, I mean relationships are based on more than looks and we connect like crazy, his family likes me. I must be quite mad.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2010): OMG its like they have the same mother! They are paralyzed by shyness. My Swede took 6 months to meet me in person because he was so shy and intimidated. Always talking about my black skin. Wants to know every detail about my culture and heritage. Everytime we have a fight he starts saying, "please don't break up with me over this"! Just enjoy the relationship; all the best.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2010): Thanks for your answers. Yes, I am probably insecure over nothing really. Thats probably just how I am. He loves the way I look, he's always going on about my brown eyes and dark brown hair. He's very curious about my Indian-Greek heritage. The problem is that I have bad experiences with men who I been with. In university my ex boyfriend liked the fact that most men wanted to go out with me than actually liking me. I realised that much later.
Yeah he's lovely though and very shy and was intimidated by me. We kept going out together as friends when finally after a couple of months I asked him if he liked me and he said he was scared to ask me out lest I said no. :) Typical shy Swede who underestimates his sexiness.
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A
female
reader, hijacked_dignity  +, writes (2 April 2010):
 This isn't abnormal at all what you're feeling, especially in interracial relationships. I think you should understand though that this guy chose to be in a committed relationship with you, so he obviously thinks of you more than some exotic fling. If that were the case, you two would just be casually dating and there would be no beginnings in sight. He has taken you to meet his family, he obviously shares the important things in life to you, these are all good signs in ANY relationship.
As far as your fear for him going back to partners from the same racial background, I think you have this unnecessary emphasis on race. It's totally understandable as to why you have it, but I think that the chances of him leaving you for someone are the same exact chances if you were the from the same racial background. Sure Swedish women are attractive, but so are women from your origin. For some people, it's very hard to take that step to cross the racial boundaries, but this guy has done it for you because he cares for you and because he finds you a great person. I would view the 'exotic' factor as a PLUS, not the reason why he's with you. ;)
Not only are you fun, attractive, and interesting to be around, but you also have a unique bonus about you, and that's your heritage. If he wanted a Swedish woman, believe me, he could have one. He's had all his life to have one, and he is choosing to have you. So try not to dwell on your differences in this aspect and just have fun. If things are meant to work out, they will, just like in any other relationship. Best of luck to you!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2010): I am black with a Swedish boyfriend too. Swedish men come from a culture and society where they never experienced discrimination. Racism and skin colour are mind boggling to them; they don't get it. So if your relationship doesn't work out, it will not be because of your race; it will be because you are incompatible in some other way not to do with race. In Sweden you will be very surprised that the majority of people are brown haired. The minority blondes that I saw there were nothing to write home about. Just like every Asian woman doesn't look like Aishwarayi Rai, most women even the blondes are unimpressive. The few we see in the media are the ones who are attractive and pretty. Last year's Sweden's Top Model was a dark skinned black woman. I asked my partner (who is blonde/grey eyed) why Swedes are so attracted to ethnic women and his theory apart from lack of racism conditioning, he thinks its because their blonde genes are weak and won't survive into the next generations so he surmises that they are subconciously trying to preserve their genes! Ridiculous I know, but he is convinced of this and is demanding babies as soon as possible! I don't think you should stress or make a big deal about your race. Just be confident and enjoy the relationship.
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