| A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: My boyfriend has been with me for almost two years. We have had issues, and it seemed like we were working it out, but now, I don't know what to think about it.Sorry if this turns out to be long...We met through a mutual ex friend. This ex friend had been my friend with benefits years before, I gave him oral sex, even though I knew he liked another girl, but I liked him and tried to use sex to get him to like me. So I met my current bf and clicked. We were friends for about 5 months. We started dating and it was truly wonderful. In the beginning I was thinking about telling him my past, but he asked me not to say a single word about it, he didn't wanna know, because he's a jealous guy. Then I grew afraid that he'd find out about me and my ex friend. However, we fell in love quickly. We are both so special to each other, we have so much in common it's unbelievable! It was pure bliss until our sixth month together.I never told him about my ex friend with benefits. We both still hung out and talked to him, my bf more than me because they played together in a band. But he got jealous and suspcious (he was cheated on before by previous gfs), and one day asked me about my past with the guy. I panicked, so I lied, but came clean immediately. How wrong I was. He broke up with me but asked me to get bak together with him shortly after.This happened more than a year ago, and he has calmed down a lot more. But sometimes he keeps asking questions, that I find unnecessary and uncomfortable; he wants to know every detail of my past. He also made me tell him about some guys I made out with while drunk at parties. There were only 2 guys. But still this + the lying makes him not trust in me, and tell me I have no morals. That he can't believe that I was either too muchof a whore, or that I had too little self esteem because he can't believe I did such things!Anyway, most of the time he really is still the sweetest guy. Unless somethings reminds him of something I did, we're fine. And he also has like periods of time when he's very cool about everything, and periods when he's very volatile about it. Mostly cool periods... he even says he wants to work on it 'cos it's his problem, eh wants to marry me, I'm the love of his life, etc.He's usually sweet. But last night I gave him a little detail about the past, because HE asked. Then he got upset. And he went on and on about EVERY little thing that bothers him about my past. He made me cry, but I cry a lot, and he hates it so that made him more upset. He said the relationship isn't very nice anymore, but I don't look for fights! He starts them! And he got very pessimistic that maybe he deserves someone better, that if someone better shows up he's gonna leave me, etc. That he doesn't think we'll end up together, etc, etc, etc, that I should have told him in the beginning about all of this so he could've walked away more easily... Then he calmed down. He said I'm far from perfect, and that maybe it's a bit masochistic of him, but that he still loves me deeply and that he rathes suffering trying to accept my past than suffering because of not being with me (I told him several times that why didn't he break up with me if he wanted someone better and stuff). He got tears in his eyes telling me I was his everything and with my past, I fell off of this pedestal he had put me on. That it's still very hard to deal with the dissapointment. He says he wants to be with me, and that he doesn't know if there's someone better, but he knows this jealousy is his problem. That he wishes he'd overcome it.I don't know what to believe, or do! I really don't wanna leave him, because we have a GREAT relationship like 95% of the time! And it's really great (I'm NOT in denial). These things are isolated problems... when things are cool, they come up about once or twice a month, when things are rocky, they come up about twice a week.What should I believe? Will he leave me for someone better? Is he just settling for me? I really don't know! He said I do hurt him, but that I also make him feel wonderful... help!
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broke up, drunk, fell in love, friend with benefits, jealous, my ex, oral sex, period, self esteem Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2008): I think he is being extremely jealous. He needs to undrstand that the past is THE PAST! You are not doing those things now so why should they matter. All that matters is your relationship with him. Maybe you were wrong for lying to him but you repented right away and told him the truth.
You need to understand that he has no right to judge what you have done in the past. And sorry to say if he loved you enough he shouldn't treat you this way & make you cry over silly things or threathening to leave you if someone better comes along. Right there he's telling you that you are not good enough.
Think about it. Its not worth the tears. good luck.
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