A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Ok, this may sound weird, I would like to hold off from having sex with my girlfriend till marriage... ok, thats easy right, ill make it trickier, weve been having sex for 9 months. Lets make this even more interesting, were confessed Christians and SHE doesnt want to stop, she enjoys it, and see's no reason to stop aside from everyone telling her "its wrong." Any suggestions how I shud go about this without killing what we have?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2008): I think once you have gone past that step, there is no going back. The Bible says that a married couple cannot withhold sex from either partner without consent of both partners, and, in many ways, you are already married. In her mind, she may feel like she is married to you, and that's why she doesn't see it as wrong.
I had sex with my fiancee before we got married because we were emotionally married (committed to each other completely) and the wedding just had to wait about a year for a number of reasons. Neither of us had feelings of guilt because we knew that the Bible simply requires verbal commitments to the spouse and to God, and we did both of those before we had sex.
Make sure your convictions are from God and not from the church, your parents, or the society. Sex is between the two of you and God, and it is up to you to decide what you believe. If you really have convictions about your sexual activities, she should respect your thoughts and compromise (i.e. get married sooner, try not having sex for a little while, etc.).
Also, I agree with polarkite that you should keep your sex off the internet. If I found out that my fiancee was looking for advise about our relationship online, I would be very upset. Seek advise without making it so personal next time.
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (27 March 2008):
 Get engage or married and it will solve your hang ups.
I think you can find your answer on this site;-
http://www.nfpoutreach.org/Sex.htm
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A
male
reader, canada guy +, writes (27 March 2008):
hey there,
a couple things i guess.....first i am a married christian man....so you know where im coming from. before i got married my wife and myself fooled around quite a bit. we didnt have sex but even still it did hurt our relationship a bit. in my case she was the one who felt bad about it. when we got married then she seemed to still think that what we were doing was wrong and now after about two years she is finally coming around. i would say that if she is fine with what you are doing then it shouldnt really affect your marriage, mainly because if she doesnt feel bad about it now then she wont once you are married.
my suggestion is to maybe stop a couple weeks before the wedding(whenever that is) that way on your wedding night it will be nice cause you wont have done it for a while. Also make sure you get yourself off maybe the day before so that you wont cum so quickly after not having had sex for a couple weeks.
hopefully this helps
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A
male
reader, polarkite  +, writes (27 March 2008):
 You and your gf have changing and divergent views on sex, which are being questioned and judged by others in your community.
I recommend you determine what causes you to think this situation is "weird." I don't think it's weird at all. It's important you understand yourself.
You have a few options:
1. Stop having sex
2. Fly to Las Vegas and Get Married
If sex is keeping your relationship together, you will soon find out.
I recommend keeping your sex life out of the papers as well. That could be very divisive indeed.
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