A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Will disowning a daughter from a previous relationship waiver my child support payments? I'm currently paying for a child my ex partner refuses to let me see. I'm not a monster and this wasn't an easy decision to make but i've finally got to the point where I'm going to stand up for what is right.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2011): Thank you all greatly for your advice. I feel the need to dig a little further in to my situation. I maintained regular contact with my daughter for 4 years after myself and my ex-partner split up. When my ex found out about my current relationship she decided to deny me access. Since then, I have been fighting to see my daughter through a solicitor, to be honest though I'm struggling financially now as I'm having to pay the usual outgoings plus child support and solicitor fee's, it just can't continue. To make matters worse my ex is so bitter she is trying everything she can to make it impossible to win a court battle. She has lied and made false allegations against me of serious nature, these include that I work cash in hand to reduce CSA payments, I have threatened to shoot her before, and the most recent which is the reason I'm struggling to deal with this situation currently, she has alleged sexual assault against my own daughter. I'm obviously outraged and disgusted at these lies and just feel sick that someone I once trusted and loved would make these allegations to make a court battle favour her. My ex-partner is really spiteful and although I love my daughter deeply, given the circumstances, I feel that turning my back may be the only answer. My ex-partner will stop at nothing to make my life a misery. It's causing tension with my current partner of 3 years, she is supportive but understandably angry that we struggle to survive despite both working hard, and the little money I do have left each month goes to my ex-partner who works as a lingerie model cash in hand, claims every benefit under the sun and gets over £200 a month from me which is spent on her 4 nights out a week drinking no doubt whilst my daughter is left with her grandmother and even on her own before! This woman is a terrible mother and social services have been called (not even by myself) on 3 separate occasions. I have always been a loving, decent Father and my daughter has even told me before on several occasions when I did have contact that she wanted to live with me, not her mother. She's a Daddy's girl bless her :-). I'm just at a loss now as the system (sorry if i offend here) is greatly in favour of the mother. Despite having 'joint parental responsibility' of my daughter it seems nothing is joint in this case. I'm so confused ;-(
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2011): Morally, all the other answers here are good but I will give you a warning of something I've seen happen with two friends who were both in the same situation as you.
One decided not to go to court to gain access to his child but did have to continue with the support payments. The other did go to court and had to pay an immense amount in legal bills, he eventually ended up losing his house and everything he owned as his ex partner managed to drag it on for so long. In the end he still didn't get to see his children and can't afford to take anymore action over it.
If I were you I'd get some legal advice about your chances of winning, how much it could cost and how long it will take, if you decide to go to court over it.
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A
female
reader, Blonde68 +, writes (15 February 2011):
No it won't, you will still have to pay eventually, including back pay too no doubt.
Please don't give up on your daughter... My father abandoned me when I was 4 years old, not because my mother didn't allow him to see me, but because he started a new life, children and moved on and never ever paid maintenance. I will tell you this, I have no respect for this man at all, and as harsh as it may sound, I will not be attending his funeral when it occurs. I obviously meant so little to him, and he has missed out on 38 years of my life, and a grandchild.
Your daughter could turn out bitter too despite it being her mother that isnt allowing you to see her because her head will be filled with crap from her mother. But you see it all the time, father and children meeting up in later life and the children very bitter and angry wanting to know WHY their father hadnt faught harder.
What you need to do is send your ex a registered letter asking her to reinstate contact and state that you’ll have to take legal action if she doesn’t comply. By the sound of it, this won’t do the trick, but it’s a necessary legal step. After that, you need to go to court and apply for an Interim Contact Order at a Directions Hearing, which allows you contact until a full hearing on the matter. I would also suggest that you comply with the CSA requests for maintenance as this will go in your favour at court.
I also suggest you take a look at CAFCASS website (it may be of help and tell you your rights) - they get involved when two parents can't come to an agreement on contact or whom the child is to live with. If you decide to take legal action ie, Contact Court Order, CAFCASS will get involved anyway, and will carry out an interview with you, and will also visit your ex partner and daughter in their home and probably do a 1:1 interview with your daughter to see if she is happy etc.
I really do not like women that use their children as a tool and doesn't allow them to see their father. I have brought my child up alone for the last 12 years finanically. However, I ensure he sees his father/my ex husband every other weekend and also during school holidays.
No doubt it puts pressure on your current relationship as it can be really stressful for both, but please.... don't allow this bitter horrible ex to win and you miss out on seeing your daughter grow into a mature woman one day!
Good luck and keep us updated!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2011): You aren't doing the "right" thing, you are doing the easy thing.
You aren't standing up for yourself, you are looking to run away from a fight.
Be a decent human being and stand up for your kid.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (15 February 2011):
 There is no such thing as a parent not allowing the other to see their child. Have you not heard about your rights as a parent? Educate yourself, read up about it, and learn your rights. There is no such thing as a parent being able to refuse the other to see the child. Only a court order can decide that one parent is not to see the child.
So get busy reading and studying!!!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2011): No, it won't and the attempt to try that will mean any future disagreements that reach the court, then that will always be something she can use against you.
If you want to do what's right then fight for custody instead. Really, how do you think your daughter will feel in the future about having a parent that didn't fight to see her not only that but he tried and failed to disown her so he didn't have to contribute at all to her upbringing.
Yeah she would hate you and for good reason too because it's a shitty thing to do. You'd really hurt your own daughter like that?
Look it's very tough being a father that's not on good terms with the mother and it's even tougher to get the courts to do anything in your favour because they always side with the mother but you have to try. You cannot give up on your daughter, you brought her into this world now you have to fight to protect her, you have to fight to be a part of her life. That's what being a father is.
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