A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am 19 and currently have been in a relationship with a lovely girl aged 20, we have been going out for a little while now, and I feel that I love her more than anyone else i have been out with, I think she is the one. However I think I am being very insecure but cant help it, my mind often wonders if she interested in a different guy, over the past 2 weeks she seems to be a bit distant from me, being more tickleish, less kisses and less intamacy when we have sex. She started a new job a couple of weeks ago and she is really enjoying it, she is so excited, however she keeps on mentioning this new guy, her team leader, but some of the things she does seems a bit flirtatious. This got to me quite a bit, I could not control myself and i ended up looking through her phone at text messages, and found a few messages between her and another work colleage about him. mentioning that she likes this boy she is not supposed to like, and that she really likes him, 99% and possibly fancys him. Her friend/work colleage told her to ask him if he likes her too, and if he says no then just to take it with a pinch of salt and have fun with her boyfriend (me). There was also another message about her talking to her friend mentioning this new guy also saying that he is cute, etc.. and that by bullying (not really but, messing around) is the way she is flirting. Im not sure if they are being serious or not though. I think the reason why it is affecting me so much is because i have been through a simmilar thing before with my first girlfriend where she started a new job, new guy at work is interesting, and then they both get interested in each other, they go out and have a fun day, and then i ended up getting dumped a week later, and she is going out with him also a week after that.I bucked under the guild today and told my girlfriend that i looked through her phone, she seemed quite upset, but she was ok after a little while and the problem seemed to have been pushed aside.Please could someone give me some advice on how I could make it upto her and also how i can avoid this problem and block out my paranoia. It is making me very negative and is also not helping as i am going to have to make some life changing decisions about a possible new job and moving house, to live with her hopefully soon. Thank you
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI love her so much, and I didnt actually tell her what I read, I believe she knew the message i was talking about, she has not mentioned anything. Things have appeared to go back to normal in our relationship now, but i keep feeling jealous when ever she mentions this persons name. I dont want to upset her again by bringing up the subject again.
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