A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: I am 22 years old. I am most confused. I don't have a reason to wake out of bed. I still haven't had any real special encounters. I have no experience in the dating game whatsoever. I hate to use the dreaded "V" word if you know what i mean.I have trouble talking to females. i also have trouble dealing with people in general(i get VERY wired up, even walking through a store) i think i am too gone to find a girlfriend. i have had some traumatic experiences in life and have messed up viewpoints about everything, as in I can't accept reality and create my own. A lot of people say i'm like a child, yet very mature about some things most people aren't.also i'm afraid of getting into a relationship, getting too attached and then getting hurt. I also respond emotionally to a lot of things WAY worse than most people do.my personality is somewhat feminine. i wear female sleepwear at night and panties most of the time. not that this matters to me. if it makes me that happy it stops me from going insane.but the real question is, will a special encounter with a female, strings attached or not, help me any? will it make me more emotionally stable? will it make me worse? i can't understand why people cheat on their partners and abuse their partners, because they don't know how good they have it. i guess it goes to show what we take for granted.I don't know what to make of this or anything anymore Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (14 April 2009):
 Of course you haven't had a "special encounter", You need to do this in the right order. First friendship then courtship then "special encounters". Don't make the mistake of taking "any old encounter" as a replacement for a "special encounter".
You have some problems and you need help for those. You have an unusual hobby, don't worry about that. There are plenty of unusual hobbies out there and they can be adapted to. Or you can find someone who accepts or enjoys it as much as you do. Not everyone will be able to see past it, so you need to be open about it as secrets are relationship killers.
Any way you are getting good advice. Sex for the sake of popping your cherry is never a good idea regardless of your gender or age. Hang in there. Get involved with some small group public service, so you can get out with people. It will help you meet people and will give you a reason to get up in the morning.
FA
A
male
reader, ArmyMedic  +, writes (14 April 2009):
 The words VIRGIN and SEX are not bad words! The idea of going out and having sex is not really going to help here in fact it is going to add even more confusion to your already fragile mind!
I think you need to seek some professional help and once you have had some sessions with a counsellor then maybe go out and find a girlfriend.
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A
female
reader, Jmo +, writes (14 April 2009):
 I don't know what city you live in, but in Milwaukee,this is commonplace. I've also gone to college with many people who have felt the same way. I'm not saying you should relocate but I will say that in your state of mind, "a special encounter with a female" is not the best for your mentality. I don't usually say this but maybe you could benefit from talking to somebody close enough to you or a psychologist. (Depending on where you live you might get one for free)
Best of luck, really
-Jmo
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (14 April 2009):
Sweetheart sex is an emotional rollercoaster, and if you can't walk through a store without worrying then I think it would simply make you a nervous wreck.
It does seem to me that you have some real problems and I don't think the internet will be able to provide you with enough answers to help.
May I suggest talking to someone professional about these issues. You say you have been through traumas, and although sometimes having a stiff upper lip and getting on with life is the best way, other times that just doesn't work and can make it worse. Talk to someone about these things and you will be surprised how normal your reactions to them are. A trained counsellor or doctor can give you coping mechanisms and explain it all to you in a way that could make life much easier.
It says you are American and I know that means you have to pay for your health, but look up charities that specialise in things like this if you can't afford it.
You are not alone.
Good Luck!! xx
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