A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:In a long term marriage and find that husband's sex drive is declining while mine is escalating. I masturbate more frequently then we have sex. Is there anything I can do about this? Wish we had both felt like this when we were in our 20s and 30s!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for all the responses. fyi--husband is fine medically (a bit of a hypochondriac, honestly. we are close in age (early 40s--messed up the year when I set up a profile here). he is a workoholic--owns own business so it's a fact of life. we have 2 kids so whatever energy is left over after a demanding day is what we get to give each other. I think that pretty much explains it, eh? Just wish we could go back to being 20 with little responsibility and lots (more) free time and freedom!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2010): How old is your husband?
Has he had a medical evaluation?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2010): Hey well act like a teenager again like your free and no one can stop you two. Bring back happy memories from the past go to places where you guys have sort of some specail moment together and then bring it to the bedroom. But make sure your man wants it so he doesn't feel like he is slaving himself to make you happy. And if that doesn't work then I guess you will have to try and decrease your sex drive a little bit even though it is hard but I know you can do it. Have fun love bird:]
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (18 November 2010):
 Yeah, I hear you. You know, it might be a medical thing regarding your husband's libido. Does he take anti-depressants, cholesterol or (especially) high blood pressure medicine? Any or all of those can sap sex drive. If this is the case, a visit to his doctor to switch medicines can mean the world!
Either way, I'm sorry you're frustrated. That's a tough thing to deal with. If he's reacting to the newness of things, it could really be a medical issue he may not even know about or realize! I know many guys in their 40's who can put guys in their 20's to shame!
Just make sure you're not making him feel deficient. Guys have sensitive egos when it comes to performance issues. It's like if a guy brought up a girl's weight or the size of her various body parts. Make it a team issue if he's so willing.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionGood suggestions--we have been trying these things over time. My level of adventurousness is higher than his, so it is more like I am pulling him kicking and screaming into new things. It's a litte nerve wracking--I try not to feel rejected, that it's just the newness he is reacting to, not me. Doesn't help that we are older and our bodies aren't the same they once were...in terms of appearance and what they can do!
Not that I would do anything like this in my situation, but I am beginning to see the appeal of the 40-something woman with the 20-something man, at least for 10 years or so....
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (17 November 2010):
I agree with dirtball 100%.
One of the biggest boosts to a sex drive is variety. Learn and try a new technique. Break up the monotonous routine and have sex in a completely different way. Surprise him by doing something that you may not have done before!
You also might want to try updating your image. New hair, makeup, fragrance, clothing, etc. Inject a slight air of mystery, and he'll be intrigued, which can then ramp up your sex life.
A marriage has ebbs and flows to it. Sometimes, a slight ebb can bring on a massive flow.
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (17 November 2010):
 This is very common. Men's sexual peak is typically between 18 and 21 while women reach theirs between 30 and 33. Gotta love biology.
You should start by talking to him. Maybe do something sexy for him to stimulate his desire. Share your desires with him and try to find a compromise where you both can be happy.
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