A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:i think my wife is going through a MLC she told me she was numb and that she loves me but not in love with me ,weve been married for 17 years with 4 kids and a dog. she had also said she wanted a divorce but i calmed her down and somehow got her to agree on staying and see how it goes from there it has been about 2.5 months now .got her to talk a little yesterday and she said she thinks shes scared of being alone. i do not know what to do any advice? and i do love her and want to make this work .we are only 39
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2009): there is so much more than what is going on in her life, to understand her state of mind you need to try to understand her a bit more.maybe she has some resentment at not fulfilling some dream that she now wants to. alone.do not rule out totally a third party's existence.how is the marriage- are you goods friends, partners and lovers as well.do not leave any stone unturned in your quest to sustain your marriage. good luck
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2009): "I love you but I'm not in love with you."
I know what this means but I have heard someone say that this is a cop-out. They also said that love is not about feelings but actions. Idk if these phrases are true or not, or just a bunch of Christian brainwash, but you have demonstrated your love through all of the actions that you have taken since she has admitted how she feels.
Sometimes people raised in unhealthy homes don't know what is healthy or unhealthy. Hence the hint of codependency in the sentence, "I am afraid of being alone."
I agree with what some people have already said, that yall should go to marriage counseling. Does she have a job? Or has most of her life been about being a housewife and mother? If the latter, no wonder she is freaking out. She is probably wondering, "Is this it? Is this all that I am going to do with my life?" While those things are very wonderful things, people often strive to do more things as well.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2009): She said she's scared of being alone. Is that why she's staying? It's a start, in that it's keeping her around long enough to talk. But if it is, then your relationship is going to be susceptible to whoever comes along and turns her head.
There's no question the situation can be numbing, particularly (I'm making assumptions here) if you have four kids under the age of 17. Does she have a career? Do you help around the house? Are there financial problems, problems with the kids? All of those things can build up and contribute to a MLC.
Keep the lines of communication open, do your best to find out what's really bugging her. It might be a MLC and she comes to her sense eventually. It might be a wake-up call for you and the kids to be doing more to help around the house and such. Just keep talking.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (15 April 2009):
 I'm sorry to hear what you're going through. I'm not sure if I can help you with much of your problem, but there's one thing I'm noticing. You say that your wife must be going through a mid-life crisis since she is suggesting a divorce. That might not be the case. I believe that there might be real problems in this marriage, and this is, I guess, how you should see it. Don't dismiss the seriousness of the problem by supposing that the simple answer to the problem is that something is temporarily wrong with her.
Do think, do try to talk to her and find out what is wrong.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2009): what caused this was she and her mother went to a funeral of my wifes highschool girlfriends mom and she was watching the movie they play at funerals of there life so she started thinking about her own life and comparing it to the ladies that past.i've wrote my wife 2 letters since this happened because she doesn't like to talk around the kids and by the way they do not know , i had asked her if she wants me to find a place to stay and if i should make sure all the bills are in both are names so no matter what happens niether one is stuck with all the bills
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