A
male
age
36-40,
*ay56
writes:Hi, I'm new to this my wife is always on this site.I'll give a brief background met at the end of senior year been together since. We've been married for two and now got my back against the wall I don't know what to do stay or leave.My wife got pregnant at 20 in the thinking it would save the relationship, this she told me. Then again right after my son was born with my daughter. She didn't get to quote "go out and experience life." Before I had nothing but problems when she went out loves attention becomes social butterfly when she drinks.She came out with past history when she was 20 she was at party drunk and touched another dudes junk just touched,before kids easy decision dump her with kids different time period had to forgive and get.But recently had argument about party she went to and put the blame for all our problems on me for not quote "showing my dominace" what does that even mean I've threaten to leave so many times before because the person she becomes when she drinks. Now it just fells like a bad joke It seems like every time I stay I losing respect I like a never ending cycle and always ends with I just want to have my fun. Any advice is welcomed
View related questions:
drunk, period Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2010): I have a friend that's like that when she's drunk. It's her only outlet in life, she has no real hobbies in life other than music, drink and male attention and affection. It doesn't matter whether she's in a relationship either. Now she's not a slut or promiscuous by any means, she's actually quite reserved when sober, but when she drinks she acts wild. Dances like a stripper with any guy that will play along, get handsy and flirty with guys the full works.
She hates that she acts that way when drunk but it makes absolutely no difference, it's just the kind of drunk she is. You really can't change that. Now your girl doesn't hate it at all so she doesn't want to change that at all. I think she feels she made some bad choices by having kids early for the reasons she did, and now just wants to rock the boat. It seems like she's trying to give you a reason to leave her so she doesn't have to feel bad for the relationship falling apart. It also sounds like she regrets not sowing her wild oats and going straight from school into marriage with kids.
Unfortunately I've never seen this kind of thing change, when a person resents the other in a relationship or feels because of them they're missing out on life then there really is not much that can change that. The only thing I've seen that worked was an open relationship but I don't think that's an option in your case. Plus it's a very dangerous thing to attempt. The only other option is counseling and that really is worth a try. Other than that I think you know why all this is happening, I think you understand she feels somewhat trapped and is envious of her friends etc that are her age out there dating and having fun. She never really had a chance to do that as an adult.
A
female
reader, QuirkLady +, writes (4 December 2010):
 Showing dominance, pfft. What does she want you to do, be a gorilla? Basically she's saying you should control her because she can't control herself. Not a good sign, you know?
Right now, it sounds like she just plain doesn't want to be responsible. When you have kids and a spouse at home, you can't go out partying and getting drunk all the time. That's just life. She needs to grow up and accept that. In the meantime you have to make the best life for you and your children until she stops acting so childish. Maybe it's time for you two to take a break. Is there someone you can stay with for a while, and hopefully take the kids with you?
...............................
A
female
reader, Mjfbla +, writes (4 December 2010):
 One question, i understand she had a kid young but that was her choice as well as yours. So why in the world is she out drinking and partying? who is watching the kids then??? This is completely her problem. You havent done anything wrong. And i understand u dont want to lose her because of your kids, but divorce gets harder as the child gets older. Honestly(and b true to yourself) do you see urself with her in 5 yrs 10? are you even happy? if you stay with her because of your kids they are going to grow up in a hostile environment because you will eventually resent her, she will go out more to stay away from fighting. u seem like a pretty nice guy. this is her problem. Take control. divorce! good luck
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2010): I feel she needs to handle her problems in a more mature manner. Drinking will not solve anything and her talking to anyone about your private relationship will only make things less productive because its not talking to you directly. From what I see here, the only reason why two are logically together is because of kids. I'll not stray away from topic and stay focused on her "male dominance" comment. If she said that while she was intoxicated, do not take it to heart. People say crazy crap while theyre drunk and Ive even met women one nite and that same nite they get drunk and say "I Love You"...and im like yeah and snakes can roll dice. She may have some inner inhibitions and those are she feels some issues are unresolved and need to be fixed. Bottom line: Talk to her. You know be calm, collected, and have good thought control. Hopefully, she can speak to you on a mature level and address her worries appropriately. Good luck.
...............................
|
