A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My wife was diagnosed with Lupus some time ago and since then her condition has slowly deteriorated to such a degree that most physical contact (Shy of a gentle hug) causes her physical pain.As you can guess this has had quite a large impact on our sex life as sexual intercourse, whilst not overly painful during, causes her immense pain afterwards and as such she can only deal with gentle clitoral stimulation and sex about once every few months. Whilst this has caused us both some frustration, I have not pressured her or made out that it is a problem at all and I still love her as much today as I always have.She is very understanding of my sexual needs and has had no objection to me watching pornography and has even bought me a male sex aid, which (tbh) I feel uncomfortable using.Though, now she has suggested that I find myself a regular sex partner, or fuck buddy! She has implied that the person could be male or female (of which I prefer female) and that if it helps me she could be involved by watching. She confessed that this has been a fantasy of hers for a few months now and that she would not like me to feel deprived in anyway.The problem for me is, whilst I know I would enjoy it, I worry that it may cause tensions between us and result in us ending our 8 year relationship. I love my wife and would rather live a sexless life than lose her. But if this is her real fantasy and not just her trying to keep me happy, then I would actually like to do it for her aswell as myself.I know it sounds like a strange thing but it has been playing on my mind ever since she told me. The fact is she may never enter remission and I would hate to deprive her of any experience she would like to partake of. But at the same time I can't help worrying.
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male
reader, radioman  +, writes (5 November 2008):
Yes, my first thought too was that she is testing you. It's apparent that ya'll love each other very much, and maybe she feels guilty about her condition, like she's holding you back from your life. The best option would be not to take the bait, but to reassure her how much you love her. Just my 2c.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2008): Maybe this is a way of your wife to test you.Because the saying goes Tough times present opportunities for persons to reveal their true character.When you marry you it should always be for better or worse.If you really love her, stand by her in difficult times and don't do anything stupid.
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