A
male
age
,
*ca62
writes:Recently my wife of more than 12 years has been flirting via email,phone and in person with another married man who is a friend of ours. The relationship between me and my wife has been solid -- neither of us has ever cheated on the other. I honestly love her and can't imagine life without her. Sex is good and fairly frequent, and we show affection by kisssing and hugging, etc.. The other married man is somewhat unhappy in his relationship, and has been married for a number of years. We all have children in their teens. The other man is a very good communicator and easy to talk with. Why would my wife want to cheat or think about it? Is it being able to have better conversations or communication with this other man? He's not younger or in better physical shape than me so it is difficult for me to understand. Please help!
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male
reader, rca62 +, writes (19 March 2008):
rca62 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionFirst thank you to those that have responded. More Info:I found out when my wife left her work email open on a home computer and saw the emails. In addition I see the cell phone bill and my wife will say she talked to the other guy, but that they are just good friends. The email definitely indicates there is more to it, although it has only been conversations up to this point -- nothing physical. It has been going on for a few weeks at this point. The fact that she is being flirtatious is tearing me up inside. Until this recent stuff I've always trusted her and had no reason not to. We have had a very good relationship for about 20 years.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2008): It is normal to wonder what the attraction is, and it is terrible to be put in this position where you wonder why your not enough.
Your reaction is perhaps normal, but the behaviour between the two of them is unacceptable and not normal.
I get the impression that perhaps she is unaware of you knowledge about her contact with this guy. If that is the case, you need to tell her that she needs to give you an explanation. The relationship between the two, perhaps not yets sexual, but is an affair and a secret relationship. The only reason for this is to keep all options open and to lie and deceive. You may probably get the "we were just having some fun or a laugh". Whatever her excuse is it will be just that, an excuse.
Stand up for yourself, tell her she is playing a dangerous game. This guy has to be TOTALLY OUT OF YOUR SOCIAL CIRCLE, and i mean totally. And tough if that is a problem for them. His marriage and his relationship with his wife is separate to yours. If you want to get this worry out of your mind and life, then FACE IT AND GET HER TOO AS WELL.
If your looking here for reassurance that you may have a problem with your wife and this is not normal, then you have it from me. You are now to be fully tuned into your marriage and what your wife is up too. Once you know what it is all about, then act on the information you have to protect yourself and what you have built over the last 12 years.
All the best and try not to compare yourself to him. These relationships are not real and the people in them or who get involved in them are also not being real. So don't think your not enough.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2008): Invite all involved out for dinner then bring up said problem. You can't stop someone if they are hell bent on cheating but it's better to try than do nothing. He's perhaps in an unhappy marriage because his wife's pissed off with his cheating ways, remember you are a mushroom and only know the shit you are fed. I feel an air of resignation and defeat in the tone of your letter. You have the choice of being passive or assertive.Good luck
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A
female
reader, Bean317 +, writes (17 March 2008):
Have you talked to your wife about this?
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