A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My wife of 2 years (together for 7) went on a 16 day trip to Japan with a group of teachers for an award that she won. While there, she became close with another man that lives in the states, but on the opposite side of the country. At first, she told me they were just friends and to think nothing of it, but then she told me that she lied and that she has feelings for him and she's not sure what to do. She says she's confused and she "wants to want to stay with me" but her feelings for this other man confuse her. I've asked what our relationship is missing that their relationship has. She says she doesn't know. She says she wants to "figure out her feelings" with this other man. I'm not sure what to do. Do I give her space to figure it out? Do I put the "him or me" ultimatum out there? Do I try and "win her back" even though i've done nothing wrong and she's the one that has hurt me? Thanks in advance for the advice. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (12 July 2010):
In a case like this, you need to give her the space first. I'd say that you would do best to move out and give her space, or at least stay in another room. Make it clear that you will not be with anyone else, and that you expect her to think things through and not be with anyone else as well. Make it clear that you are giving her the space so she can sit down and think about this. Set a time limit of one month. If she 'made her mind up, then she never will and you'd do best to give the ultimatum at that point. And when you give the ultimatum, follow it through if she won't.
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