A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am a soldier currently deployed to Iraq and have been away from home for 5 months now. 2 1/2 months into my deployment my wife admitted to having sex five times with another soldier from my company who was home on medical leave. By the way I beleive my wife more than I beleive there is blood in my body when whe swears on my life. She told me everything on that oath of my life. She told me that she had feelings for him. He knew with this being my first tour that we were fighting and having trouble coping with being apart. He told her that he sees it all the time and that I would leave her when I returned home because I didnt love her anymore. My wife was terribly tore up when she discovered that he had been doing this for the past 4 years with tons of women. Not to mention he was still married..... I just cannot figure out how to get over this any help would be appreciated. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Double b +, writes (7 December 2009):
Hey folks, if you think it can't happen to you, your wrong. The best way to avoid being in this position, is to be as attentive to your spouse as you can be.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2009): I'm so scared. I am almost positive my husband gave me herpes. The story goes that he has lied to me a lot in the past but never cheated. He got deployed while I was three months pregnant with our SECOND child. I sent him nude pics and videos, packages, cards, videos of the kids and personalized things like a pillow with our family pic on it. Well I did nothing wrong. We fought but because he wouldn't call or stop spending money so I could get food. Two months, only two months into the deployment he stopped calling as much and emailing. I instantly knew something was wrong. I confronted him and asked him if something was going on with another person and he denied it. Then all this money started disappering from the bank account. We were getting charged for overwithdrawls and a few times I had to borrow money from my family just to buy diapers. It was horrible. We started to fight about money. He claims he had lost a card and that someone was using and he reported it right away but he never told me that until months later. Well the card was never stopped and we were missing thousands of dollars. When he came home for leave from Iraq I discovered secret online accounts such as myspace and yahoo. This skank was the only one on his friends list and his status was in a relationship. I read the messages which seemed way too friendly such as "sweetheart," "hotty," and so on. Names he wouldn't call me anymore. Then one she sent him said "I miss you" and another "sorry I kept you up all night talking." Which my husband told me they only hung out twice before at the pool hall, Never alone and they haven't talked since. So he lied, he also told me they were just friends. Then I find out he is using up our phone cards to talk to her, texting her and of course the emails. He still denies sleeping with her. Well, its too late. I didn't find the messages until after I had slept with him on leave. He told me he stopped talking to her because she was a whore, cheated on her husband and had herpes. Why would someone just bring that up in conversation? He said she was just talking to him and told him she has herpes. Well I had to go to the ER three days ago. I had a UTI and the doctor seemed pretty sure it was herpes. They took a test and I have to go in today. The soars look more like herpes now to me. I am in so much pain. I can hardly urinate, I can barely wipe myself and I feel so sick I feel like a bad mother because I can't take care of my girls as well. My husband still denies it! I am so angry. How can you deny it when I have herpes?? Since everything has happened with the cheating and all my friend has been helping me out. He says he loves me and my daughters and wants to be with me but even after I get divorced..I don't want to give him herpes. I was nothing but shocked when I had to go to the ER. I had been tested after I found out he was talking to her over six months ago! My doctor didn't tell me herpes doesn't how up in a blood test or pap smear. So I thought I was clean. Then they also told me the herpes can take six months to show (outbreak). I didn't know that either. It's been over six months now since he has been gone and he comes home in a few days. I don't want to see him. All my family is in Ohio so they can't help me as of right now because I live in Texas because of a military move. My brother said he can take some time off and come get me and everything we want to bring but I don't know when. I don't know what will happen. I was told I could tell the command to put him in the barracks while I pack everything. Please just give me some input. I have been crying for days now. Please...
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2009): I just wanted to add that if you know this guys unit and rank you could try to talk to your command about a no-contact order.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2009): WOW. My husband was deployed to Iraq and started cheating after only a couple months too. I did nothing wrong, I sent him "personal videos and pics" and was always there for him to talk to but he just stopped talking to me as much. Then I found out he had two secret accounts online to talk to this other soldier. So I only found proof to an emotional infidelity but I feel he did cheat and won't admit it. The thing is that he has lied about so much I don't think he is worth believing... He comes home in two weeks and I am planning on a divorce unless he wants a polygraph. Lol.
Here's the difference. She actually admitted it. Was it after confrontation and evidence or did she just tell you? If she just came out and told you I think that is a really big thing to do and she might be worth forgiving but did you do anything at all wrong for her to cheat? There is something here that is kinda scary. You have to worry if just because someone tells her there's a chance you might cheat if she will go and cheat again. I think counseling would be a good idea at least. She sounds like she has trust issues because one person shouldn't influence her that much to cheat.
That's my advice after what happened between my husband and I. After I found out there was someone else in May 2008 for sure I gave him more time up until about July. He had told me he was no longer talking to her but he emailed her when he got back to Iraq after R&R. I got good at sneaking into and discovering new accounts but he could always use a different name. So probably about September I had enough. While he has been deployed I gave birth completely alone to our second child. I had our first without him there but I had family. I hate thinking that while I was pregnant he did this to me. After I did everything for him. So honestly I cheated on him in September. I came right out and told him and he didn't believe me for a while.
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female
reader, heartless420_1 +, writes (8 December 2008):
 I just want to say the ones who get cheated on arnt the ones who deserve it! My husband got back from Iraq in Oct. we have a 3year old, he was home 3weeks and had an affair on his lunch break! We are seeking marriage counciling but its not the same. You can have all the love in the world for your girl but deep down can you truly frogive and forget? Only you can answer that. I never thought i would stay in a non-trusting marriage but it happens. FOOL ME ONCE SHAME ON YOU, FOOL ME TWICE SHAME ON ME! I wish you the best, you dont need to be so worried you just concentrate on coming home alive, everything will work out in time. MUCH LOVE SOLDIER XOXOXOX
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female
reader, babyminow +, writes (8 December 2008):
 If you love her then it will take time,but try and forgive her. dont hurt yourself more by leaving her. You are in Iraq! She should not be worrying you like this. If you dont think you could ever forgive her, then do whats best for you. you diserve someone loyal and appreciative of you. Remember this! My real dad was in the war when he cheated on my mom. Now they are both happier in there new marriages. But that was best for them. you just do whats best for you. good luck soldier
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female
reader, Confused and lonely +, writes (8 December 2008):
Talking, lots and lots of communication. I think also that some blame is on her no matter what he does. She didnt have to do it. If she is willing to do what it takes for you to get over it then i think it could work out but she has to be sorry and willing to do what you need her to in order to feel better, and lots and lots of communication.
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