A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My wife and I recently found out she is pregnant. We don't know the sex of the baby yet and probably will let it surprise us anyway. We were talking about baby names when my wife asked me about circumcision. This wasn't a topic we had ever discussed before, but I am circumcised. She asked me what I would do if she had a boy. I said I never though much about it, but I supposed I would have it done because it never bothered me and I like how it looks. I also told her that more American women and gay men (we are American) are used to how it looks. That's when she said that she would not allow it because it is "unnatural." She said it is the same as removing the clitoral hood and asked if I would do that to a girl. I told her I would not so she considered it case closed.However, I told her I think most women prefer a cut guy. That's when she said that that's not true and she had been doing research about it. That is when I made the mistake of asking her how she would know and if she had ever been with an uncut guy. She said she had and that overall it was better. She said it was more sensitive and moist. Okay, so now I feel very insulted on top of everything else. She quickly realized her mistake and told me that I was a good lover and that lots of women do like cut guys because their less sensitive penis makes them better able to (her word) "pound." I told her she is full of it because I can get her off with my fingers which are smaller and more dry than any penis. She admitted that is true but still said that uncut is better all things being equal. It gets better, though. So I asked her how the heck she would be able to tell if a guy was cut or not once he is erect and wearing a condom (which I always wore prior to us getting married) and that's when she admitted that there was no condom. I found the whole conversation very emasculating. It was like she said in so many words: "Yes, I had another penis in me and I liked how it felt much better than yours - so much so that I didn't use protection." On top of it, there is still no resolution about what to do if we have a baby boy. I am not even sure if I get a say or if the decision rests with the mom.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2015): OP here:
Thanks for the responses. I appreciate them.
One thing not touched on is... what happens if I want it done and she doesn't? Who has the legal right to sign off on it? Who makes the decision?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2015): Both of you need to seriously calm down.You've already escalated the situation to astronomical proportions. Your communication style between you and your wife needs some serious improvement. If you esclate all 'discussions' like you did in this case and throw such harsh words at each other, you won't last long. I get the impression that you both fight dirty and can be stubborn. You're not enemies. You're not trying to outdo each other. When you have a mud slinging contest, shit usually hits the fan.What she said was truly awful. I can't begin to imagine how you feel. I'd be devastated if my wife said that to me. So I get why you feel emasculated and hard done by. I get it. She really went for it.However, I don't think she meant that she is not happy with you or your body or your manliness. If she wasnt happy with your member and your skills, she wouldn't be married to you.Having said that, you should really accept your responsibility in this. You turned the conversation in this direction by talking about how women prefer ... She engaged with your line of argument with a direct rebuttal talking about women's sexual experiences according to research. Not satisfied with her argument, YOU probed and kind of cornered her into giving herself as an example to lend legitimacy to her reasoning. And then your ego was hurt. This discussion was never about men and women's sexual preferences but decided this was the most important criteria to win this discussion. You'd never given it a thought so you spoke without really knowing if it's important to you and why. You blurted the first thing that came out and said you want it done to your son because it got done to you and sexual partners like that. How else was she going to argue in favour of the circumcision without talking about your manhood and how she feels about it?! Maybe she just doesnt like circumcision (nothing to do with your performance) but only said what she said to make her point because it looked like that's the deciding aspect in your opinion. She must feel so guilty right now. No one likes to hurt their man. My suggestion is you both try to rekindle the bond and let go of hard feelings. Don't feel like the victim because those words are the result of your communication dynamic. You really really want to improve that. Start now before baby comes along.
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A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (17 February 2015):
Actually...Your wife is right. We have been fooled into the purpose of what circumcision really means. First of all...circumcision was a religious practice done on Jewish men so only GOD would know who is people were.
Genesis 17:9
"God said to Abraham, “You also must agree to keep the covenant with me, both you and your descendants in future generations. You and your descendants must all agree to circumcise every male among you. From now on you must circumcise every baby boy when he is eight days old, including slaves born in your homes and slaves bought from foreigners. This will show that there is a covenant between you and me."
After Jesus...circumcision was no longer needed. Obedience to GOD was no longer a Jewish matter of a physical circumcision, but of a spiritual one...
Romans 2:28...
"After all, who is a real Jew, truly circumcised? It is not the man who is a Jew on the outside, whose circumcision is a physical thing. Rather, the real Jew is the person who is a Jew on the inside, that is, whose heart has been circumcised, and this is the work of God's Spirit,"
In fact her is more proof your son should stay as he is... 1 Corinthians 7:18...
"18 If a circumcised man has accepted God's call, he should not try to remove the marks of circumcision; if an uncircumcised man has accepted God's call, he should not get circumcised. 19 For whether or not a man is circumcised means nothing; what matters is to obey God's commandments."
We have been made to believe circumcision is the right thing to do. It is clean, it saves infection, it is more natural, and so on. If GOD did want skin there he would not put it there. If someone said cutting off your eye lids was more natural, would you do it? Do you think a woman's vagina would be more natural if the skin was removed?
Women prefer a cut guy because that is all they know. Because they have been lead to believe the same lie as everyone else. I am not cut, never had any infections, and never had an issue with women. As long as you have good hygiene you have no issues. If a circumcised man has bad hygiene, he will run into problems just as a non-circumcised man.
If a piece of skin makes the difference between love and hate...you are a fool.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2015): Those were very tactless words of your wife. She may have spoken out of panic as she obviously feels strongly that she doesn't want to inflict pain/ cut her 'perfect' newborn- protective instinct. So she is saying anything to defend the argument for uncut.
As others have said there is little difference in feel during the act. She may have been talking about the differences she thinks HE would experience- more sensitivity, moisture (she would not be able to feel that). She probably doesn't even remember the past experience clearly but wants to say it was better to defend her decision. You could ask her how she would feel if you talked about a woman being "tighter" and hence better in bed. At the end of the day each partner has many different physical attributes. The important difference is the love we feel. I'm sure she knows this and it probably came out wrong. Unless maybe you have made her feel inadequate in the past and so there is a little revenge tactlessness in return.
In considering your son, it is true that now uncut is thought to be healthier and more natural for the male (not because it feels better for the female partner) so that is something to consider when deciding.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (17 February 2015):
 First of all, you have to separate the decision about circumcising your possibly male child from you and your wife's fight about sex. It would be ridiculous to do something to an infant because you are angry with your wife. It would be supremely selfish and vainglorious to inflict an unnecessary surgical procedure on an infant because you were upset. Or worse because you think one "looks better" than the other. That's frankly idiotic.
So snap out of it.
Make a sensible decision about such a delicate topic, not based on looks, but based on sane medical advice.
I have some reading for you to do.
From the mayoclinic.org website on the topic:
By Mayo Clinic Staff
Circumcision is the surgical removal of the skin covering the tip of the penis. Circumcision is fairly common for newborn boys in certain parts of the world, including the United States. Circumcision after the newborn period is possible, but it's a more complex procedure.
For some families, circumcision is a religious ritual. Circumcision can also be a matter of family tradition, personal hygiene or preventive health care. For others, however, circumcision seems unnecessary or disfiguring. After circumcision, it isn't generally possible to re-create the appearance of an uncircumcised penis.
Why it's done
Circumcision is a religious or cultural ritual for many Jewish and Islamic families, as well as certain aboriginal tribes in Africa and Australia. Circumcision can also be a matter of family tradition, personal hygiene or preventive health care. Sometimes there's a medical need for circumcision, such as when the foreskin is too tight to be pulled back (retracted) over the glans. In other cases, particularly in certain parts of Africa, circumcision is recommended for older boys or men to reduce the risk of certain sexually transmitted infections.
The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) says the benefits of circumcision outweigh the risks. However, the AAP doesn't recommend routine circumcision for all male newborns. The AAP leaves the circumcision decision up to parents — and supports use of anesthetics for infants who have the procedure.
Circumcision might have various health benefits, including:
Easier hygiene. Circumcision makes it simpler to wash the penis. Washing beneath the foreskin of an uncircumcised penis is generally easy, however.
Decreased risk of urinary tract infections. The overall risk of urinary tract infections in males is low, but these infections are more common in uncircumcised males. Severe infections early in life can lead to kidney problems later on.
Decreased risk of sexually transmitted infections. Circumcised men might have a lower risk of certain sexually transmitted infections, including HIV. Still, safe sexual practices remain essential.
Prevention of penile problems. Occasionally, the foreskin on an uncircumcised penis can be difficult or impossible to retract (phimosis). This can lead to inflammation of the foreskin or head of the penis.
Decreased risk of penile cancer. Although cancer of the penis is rare, it's less common in circumcised men. In addition, cervical cancer is less common in the female sexual partners of circumcised men.
Circumcision might not be an option if certain blood-clotting disorders are present. In addition, circumcision might not be appropriate for premature babies who still require medical care in the hospital nursery.
Circumcision doesn't affect fertility, nor is circumcision generally thought to enhance or detract from sexual pleasure for men or their partners.
Risks
The most common complications associated with circumcision are bleeding and infection. Side effects related to anesthesia are possible as well.
Rarely, circumcision might result in foreskin problems. For example:
The foreskin might be cut too short or too long
The foreskin might fail to heal properly
The remaining foreskin might reattach to the end of the penis, requiring minor surgical repair
How you prepare
f
Before circumcision, the doctor will explain the risks and benefits of the procedure. Whether you're planning to have your son circumcised or you're pursuing circumcision for yourself, you'll likely need to provide written consent for the procedure.
What you can expect
Newborn circumcision is often done in the hospital nursery, usually within one to 10 days after birth.
For newborn circumcision, your son will lie on his back with his arms and legs restrained. After the penis and surrounding area are cleansed, an anesthetic will be injected into the base of the penis or applied to the penis as a cream. A special clamp or plastic ring will be attached to the penis, and the foreskin will be removed. Afterward, the penis will be covered with an ointment, such as petroleum jelly, and wrapped loosely with gauze. The procedure generally takes about 10 minutes.
Circumcision is similar for older boys and adults. However, the procedure might need to be done under general anesthesia with additional steps, such as suturing, to prevent excessive bleeding.
After the procedure
It usually takes about seven to 10 days for the penis to heal. The tip of the penis is likely to be sore at first, and the penis might look red, swollen or bruised. You might notice a yellow crust on the tip of the penis as well.
If your newborn is fussy as the anesthetic wears off, hold him gently — being careful to avoid putting pressure on the penis.
It's OK to wash the penis as it heals. For newborns, change the bandage with each diaper change, and apply a dab of petroleum jelly to the tip of the penis to keep it from sticking to the diaper. Change your baby's diaper often, and make sure the diaper is loosely fastened. If there's a plastic ring instead of a bandage, it will drop off on its own — usually within about a week. Once the penis heals, wash it with soap and water during normal bathing.
Problems after circumcision are uncommon. Contact the doctor if:
Normal urination doesn't resume within 12 hours of the circumcision
There's persistent bleeding or redness around the tip of the penis
There's foul-smelling drainage from the tip of the penis
The plastic ring remains in place two weeks after the circumcision
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end of mayoclinic.org article
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Other medical experts in the UK do not recommend circumcision. Here is the text from the NHS website:
Introduction
Male circumcision is the surgical removal of the foreskin. The foreskin is the hood of skin covering the end of the penis, which can be gently pulled back.
Circumcision may be performed for:
religious reasons – circumcision is a common practice in the Jewish and Islamic faiths, and is also practiced by many African communities as a tribal or ethnic tradition
medical reasons, although alternative treatments are usually preferred to circumcision
This article focuses on the medical aspects of circumcision.
Routine circumcision
During the 19th century, many medical practitioners believed that being circumcised was more hygienic than not being circumcised.
As a result, the routine medical circumcision of all boys, regardless of religious faith, became a widespread practice in England. However, routine male circumcision gradually became less common as many members of the medical community began to argue that it had no real medical benefit in the vast majority of cases.
Routine circumcision may offer a number of potential benefits, such as reducing the risk of some types of bacterial or viral infections. However, most healthcare professionals now agree that the risks associated with routine circumcision, such as infection and excessive bleeding, outweigh any potential benefits.
Read more about the advantages and disadvantages of circumcision.
NHS availability
The majority of clinical commissioning groups (CCGs) do not fund routine circumcision or circumcision that is carried out for religious reasons.
The NHS mainly funds circumcision that is used to treat a small number of medical conditions (see below). In such cases, circumcision is usually regarded as a "treatment of last resort", when all other treatment options have failed.
It is important to note that some CCGs in England do currently fund religious or ritual circumcision on the NHS. The decision is based on priorities that relate to its own local population.
Find your local CCG.
Read more information about NHS authorities and trusts.
In rare cases, circumcision may be considered for the following health conditions:
paraphimosis – a condition where the foreskin gets trapped under the tip of the penis
balanitis xerotica obliterans – an uncommon condition causing hardening and inflammation of the tip of the penis
However, these conditions are extremely rare in children and other treatments are often preferred.
Circumcision may also be considered in some cases with the following health conditions:
severe cases of phimosis – a tight foreskin that can't be retracted
recurrent balanitis – inflammation of the tip of the penis and foreskin
Read more about when circumcision may be necessary.
How circumcision is performed
Circumcision for medical reasons is usually carried out on a day-patient basis. This means that you will not have to stay overnight in hospital.
Older children and adults who are circumcised are usually given a general anaesthetic, where they are put to sleep.
The circumcision procedure is relatively simple. The foreskin is removed with a scalpel, scissors or a surgical clamp. Any bleeding is either cauterised (closed using heat) or the remaining edges of skin are stitched together using dissolvable stitches.
After circumcision, there may be some pain and swelling, and the penis will be easily irritated until it heals. The healing process can take up to four to six weeks. Read more about recovering from circumcision.
If there are signs of any bleeding or infection after a circumcision, speak to your GP. Complications are rare when circumcision is performed for medical reasons, but there are some risks of circumcision that should be considered.
Most health professionals in England would argue that there are no medical reasons why a baby boy should be circumcised
Advantages and disadvantages of circumcision
There are several potential advantages and disadvantages associated with circumcising boys shortly after they are born.
For example:
Circumcision may reduce the risk of developing a urinary tract infection (UTI), such as a bladder infection.
Circumcision may reduce the risk of getting some types of sexually transmitted infections, such as HIV and genital herpes.
Circumcision may reduce the risk of female partners developing some types of sexually transmitted infections, such as bacterial vaginosis and trichomoniasis.
Circumcision may reduce the risk of developing cancer of the penis.
However, there are much more effective and less invasive ways of preventing these conditions. For example, practising good hygiene to prevent UTIs, or using a condom to prevent STIs.
Read about when circumcision may be necessary for more details.
Most healthcare professionals maintain that the potential benefits of circumcision are not strong enough to justify routine childhood circumcision. Critics of circumcision argue that it has disadvantages, such as:
Reduced sensitivity – an uncircumcised penis is more sensitive than a circumcised penis, meaning that circumcised men may experience less pleasure during sex.
Potential complications of circumcision – these include excessive bleeding, post-operative infection and, in rare cases, injury to the urethra. These complications are thought to outweigh any potential benefits.
Critics have also argued that routinely circumcising baby boys on medical grounds violates the principle of consent to treatment. They say that circumcision should only be performed when a boy is old enough to make an informed decision about whether he wishes to be circumcised.
When circumcision may be necessary
This section describes only the medical reasons when circumcision may be necessary. It is outside the scope of this article to discuss religious or cultural reasons for circumcision.
Conditions that may benefit from circumcision
Paraphimosis
Paraphimosis is a medical emergency. The foreskin is pulled back underneath the tip of the penis, becomes trapped and cannot be returned to its original position.
Paraphimosis sometimes happens as a complication of a medical procedure that involves pushing back the foreskin for a prolonged period of time. Such procedures include:
an examination of the penis
a cystoscopy – a medical procedure where a thin, flexible tube (catheter) with a camera on the end is inserted through the penis and up into the bladder
urinary catheterisation – a procedure in which a catheter is inserted through the penis and up into the bladder to drain urine out of the bladder
Paraphimosis causes a band of swelling to develop around the penis, which can block the blood supply. If paraphimosis is not treated, the lack of blood supply will mean that the tissue of the penis will begin to die.
In most cases, paraphimosis can be treated using medication to reduce the swelling, or minimally invasive surgery to return the foreskin to its original position.
Paraphimosis is extremely rare in children and other treatments are preferred. Circumcision is usually only required in adults in rare cases when medication and surgery fail. Occasionally, circumcision may be recommended if someone has repeated episodes of paraphimosis.
Balanitis
Balanitis is inflammation of the foreskin, usually caused by a bacterial infection.
Symptoms of balanitis include:
pain when urinating
a discharge of pus from the penis
inflammation of the shaft of the penis
Balanitis can be successfully treated using antibiotics. Most people do not have further infections. Circumcision is usually recommended only in adults in rare cases where someone has repeated infections (recurrent balanitis).
Urinary tract infections
A urinary tract infection (UTI) is an infection of the urinary system. It is estimated that 1 in 50 boys develop a UTI between their first and second birthdays. Around 1 in 2,000 men develop a UTI every year.
Research has found that circumcised boys are around 10 times less likely to catch a UTI than uncircumcised boys. This is because many UTIs are thought to be caused by bacteria that gather inside the foreskin before spreading to the urinary system.
However, most UTIs are mild and do not cause serious damage. Circumcision is usually only recommended if a boy has a risk factor that increases the likelihood of repeated UTIs. Repeated UTIs can cause kidney damage.
An example of a pre-existing risk factor is a birth defect that causes urine to leak back up into the kidney. This carries the risk of bacteria spreading from the foreskin, through the urine, and infecting the kidney. In such circumstances, circumcision may be recommended.
Read more about:
urinary tract infections in children
urinary tract infections in adults
Sexually transmitted infections
Circumcision is thought to reduce the risk of catching some types of sexually transmitted infections (STIs). These are:
HIV
human papilloma virus (HPV)
genital herpes
syphilis
chancroid – an uncommon STI in England that causes painful sores on the genitals
Circumcision has also been shown to reduce the chance of certain conditions occurring in female partners, including:
bacterial vaginosis
trichonomoniasis
cervical cancer
Research in Africa found that heterosexual circumcised men are 38-66% less likely to contract HIV than uncircumcised men.
It is thought that the foreskin contains special cells that attract the cells of the HIV virus. This means that uncircumcised men who have vaginal sex with an HIV positive woman are more likely to develop the infection.
However, it is still unclear whether circumcision has the same protective effect for homosexual men who have unprotected anal sex.
Circumcision is thought to reduce the risk of a man getting syphilis and chancroid because:
the foreskin may provide a warm, moist environment that allows the syphilis and chancroid bacteria to grow and multiply
the foreskin often sustains tiny cuts (micro-abrasions) during sexual intercourse, which allow the bacteria to pass into the bloodstream
It is estimated that uncircumcised men are:
twice as likely to get syphilis
10 times as likely to get chancroid
However, circumcision is nowhere near as effective as condoms in preventing STIs. If used correctly, condoms are 98% effective in preventing STIs.
Cancer of the penis
Research has shown that men who are circumcised in childhood are three to four times less likely to develop penile cancer than men who are uncircumcised. This is because many cases of penile cancer develop in the foreskin.
However, cancer of the penis is very rare. On average, 550 new cases are diagnosed each year in the UK. It would, therefore, be very difficult to justify routine circumcision as a method for preventing penile cancer.
However, in some rare cases a person may be more at risk, for example if they have a family history of penile cancer or a weakened immune system. In such cases, circumcision is recommended as a preventative measure.
Conditions that require circumcision
Balanitis xerotica obliterans (BXO) is a skin condition that can only be cured with circumcision. However, the condition is rare in young children and usually affects children over nine years old and adults.
BXO can cause hardening and inflammation of the penis, usually affecting the foreskin and tip of the penis. It causes symptoms such as:
difficulties passing urine
pain when passing urine
itchiness and soreness of the penis
In cases of BXO that primarily affect the foreskin, circumcision is usually the most effective treatment, and often results in a complete cure. In some cases, BXO can affect the urethra and treatment to widen the urethra may be necessary (a meatotomy).
Recovering from circumcision
In babies who are circumcised, the foreskin usually takes about 7 to 10 days to heal. In older boys and men, the healing process can take up to four to six weeks.
Self-care advice
As circumcision is a painful procedure, painkillers such as paracetamol or ibuprofen will need to be taken for at least the first three days after the operation. Children aged 16 or younger should not take aspirin.
Circumcision exposes the sensitive skin of the tip of the penis (glans). In babies, nappies can rub against the glans, making it sore. Therefore, make sure that you tuck down your baby’s penis before putting the nappy in place. You may be advised to apply an antibacterial cream for up to a week.
After circumcision, the penis will be red and swollen for a few days. You or your child may find it more comfortable to wear loose clothing for a while. Putting petroleum ointment directly on to the area can also reduce irritation.
After a boy has been circumcised, make sure that he does not ride a bike or use other sit-on toys until the swelling has completely gone down. If he is of school age, he should be able to return to school about a week after being circumcised. However, let his teacher know that he has had the operation.
It is important to practise good hygiene and ensure that your child's nappies are frequently changed after a circumcision.
Do not use scented products in the shower or bath and leave the penis to dry naturally.
For adults, the surgeon will also give advice about sexual activity. Usually, sex should be avoided until the wound has healed, to avoid it reopening.
When to seek medical advice
After a child has been circumcised, speak to your GP if:
there is bleeding from your child’s penis
your child’s penis remains swollen after two weeks
your child still finds passing urine painful a few days after the operation
Older boys and men should also see their GP if they have any problems after circumcision.
Risks of circumcision
As with all types of surgery, circumcision has some risks. However, complications from circumcisions carried out for medical reasons are rare in England.
Bleeding and infection are the most common problems associated with circumcision.
Other complications can include:
a decrease in sensation in the penis, particularly during sex
damage to the tube that carries urine inside the penis (urethra), causing it to narrow and making it hard to pass urine
removal of too much of the foreskin
accidental amputation of the head of the penis, which is very rare
a blood infection or blood poisoning (septicaemia)
Problems with circumcisions carried out for religious or cultural reasons may go unreported.
Circumcision is not carried out on boys born with a specific birth defect of the penis that affects where the opening of the urethra (urinary tube) is found. This is because the foreskin is used to reconstruct the urethra.
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If you made it to the end of this long post, good for you. It means you may actually be paying attention.
Don't make such an important decision based on anger. It would be a great pity to inflict an unnecessary surgery on an infant because you are pissed off at your wife.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (17 February 2015):
 There really is not GOOD medical argument for circumcision these days. MOST of European males are NOT circumcised and they are NOT more "dirty" or unhygienic).
Unless it's for religious reasons, WHY do that to an infant?
TALK with a doctor, do some research, find out if you two really want to do that or not.
Personally? I think you wife fought very dirty on this one. While I agree that I would NOT do that to an infant, I would (like Midnight suggest) wait till he is old enough to decide on his own. And honestly, a woman can only really tell the difference when giving a blowjob... SO not sure why she thinks uncut lasts longer. That is NOT my experience.
As for someone who had been with both cut and uncut... I don't give a fly's fart. Both "version" are a penis. And sorry... they are both "not so pretty".
My husband and I had this discussion, HE is FOR circumcision (because he is cut) and I'm against it because it's ridiculous to do to a newborn, UNLESS it's part of your faith. It otherwise SERVES no purpose. I have no problem with people doing it for religious reasons (such as Jewish people) but to do it, so he won't look "different"? no. The skin is there for a purpose.
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A
female
reader, Midnight Shadow  +, writes (17 February 2015):
 To be honest, you can't say "most women prefer circumsised guys" because you don't know that - same with her.
She had a poor choice of words that came out with frustration because you were making vast claims about what "most" women prefer and she told you what she preferred. She said too much, but you also instigated it. Let it cool off, don't take it to heart because *you* are the one she married - presumably for more than just your member.
In regards to your son, it's a surgery that can't be undone, but can be done later in life when he's old enough to make the choice - which, if he really wants it done then, he could have it done, if not, he wasn't too fussed and/or likes his foreskin. The reason I say that is because you didn't mention anything about religious beliefs for getting it done, meaning that it's not "necessary" because of your faith.
This should have been discussed prior to her getting pregnant, or even before you getting married(!), but it wasn't and that was silly because now it's a very hot topic that has just become very real.
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