A
female
age
30-35,
*rontagos
writes:Hey Guys, I'm From India ( Male )and my father passed away 8 year agoand today i found a pregnant test at my home, ( i don't have sister, its just me and my mom, no one else live with us, and no she didn't buy for someone else.the one i found at home is open but unused )she is a working class women,so now i'm so Fzed up what to do, talk to her or not . coz its freaking me out . and 4 days ago we were in a medial store she told me to leave ( defiantly to buy prega test ),If she is sleeping with someone , I don't know with whome, damnit. i'm so confused . just help me guys. !!!! Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2014): Widowed parents sometimes feel guilty for seeking companionship. Children, either young or adult, often do not approve of this. They feel the parent should remain alone out of respect for their departed spouse. My father never remarried after my mother died. This was of his own choice. However; I always encouraged him to seek female companionship; because we all need love and affection.
Your mother's sex-life is private, and she doesn't have to share or explain that with you. Nor does she have to let you know who her male suitors are; unless she feels there is going to be a long-term relationship between them. It might have been a mistake, or it could have been someone who turned out not to be the kind of man she wanted to be with. For the sake of her privacy and dignity, just let it be. Don't you dare ask her anything. If she wanted you to know, she would tell you about it.
You have no reason for concern. She was a grown woman before you came into this world. She has her own life to live. You are mature enough to have your own place. If she had her full privacy without you poking about her house, she wouldn't worry about hiding things from you. She is afraid you will judge her. No mother should have to be concerned about being judged by her own children. Grown-men should be living in their own homes, and helping their mothers when the necessity arises.
Say nothing about it. It's up to her to share what she wants you to know. Mind your own business and do not shame her. She's an adult! What are you so worried about anyway? If you want to be sure she is okay, ask her if everything is alright? If she says it is, ask no further questions. If she has something to share with you, give her the respect she deserves. She will voluntarily offer you personal details of her life, if she feels you need to know.
A
female
reader, Abella  +, writes (27 December 2014):
 Trontagos, you are registered with DearCupid as a female. When did you become a male? Was your mother very understanding and non-judgemental when you chose to change from being a female to a male.If your mother was as young as 16 when she gave birth to you and it is now 8 years since your father passed away then I guess that makes your mother around 46.So your mother's periods may starting to become less regular as you mother approaches menopause.Are you serious in referring to your mother ''defiantly''?? Defiantly choosing to buy a pregnancy test. Do you have any idea how disrespectful and arrogant it is to refer to your mother as ''defiantly buying a pregnancy test.She purchased a test but it is unused at this point in time.Or did you mean to use the word definitely? Logically she may have been meaning to purchase something different and the chemist did not understand her question.Are you sure she was not attempting to buy a test to ascertain how advanced is her menopause?You are assuming she is having sexual relations with a man. After 8 years of widowhood she is entitled to make her own decisions about her sexuality.Just as you too have chosen to make decisions about your sexuality, without the judgement of others.In my country it is normal for many widows, in any age group, to often seek a new life partner some time after the death of their spouse.There is a test that a Doctor can perform to see at what stage a woman has reached in the menopause process.I thought a pathologist did that test but perhaps in your country can be purchased over the counter.Certainly you mother has a pregnancy test in her posesssion. Yet it is surprising that your mother has not yet used the test. Which makes me think that she purchased the wrong item.But if you mother does have a new friend then that is none of your business.Your mother is an adult.Your mother does not need to seek your permission to see a friend of her choice.I suggest that you say nothing.What is your greatest fear if your mother did choose to have a new make partner? As a widow your mother is entitled to remarry. would that be so bad if your mother sought happiness with another man? Women can remarry at any time in their lives.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2014): Frankly It's none of your business who your mother sleeps with . She is a grown adult just like you are. This is 2014 . Leave her alone. There is nothing for you to do except mind your own business
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A
female
reader, Euphoric29  +, writes (27 December 2014):
Dear OP,
In my country, it would be totally acceptable for a widowed woman to find a new partner and to have sex with him. It would be considered none of your business too, since you're a grown up man now and you both have your own lives. But of course, if I lived with my mother and found such a test, I might carefully ask her about its meaning. Carefully. Because I would know it's a difficult topic.
Since I don't know if there are some cultural differences between us, in the way we look at these things, I'm not sure if I understand the source of your distress.
Sure, I can understand your confusion, because you might still miss your father and see your mother as his wife. But the past is gone and won't come back. Life is always changing. From my point of view, your mother has a right to be happy and to love. She has grieved over your deceased father for eight years. I find this a long time. No one can just live off their memories. Human beings need love, togetherness, all those things.
And then there is also a chance that your mother became a victim of sexual violence and that's the reason why she took the test. Which would make me feel very sorry for her.
My advice would be that first, you calm down. Look inside yourself what is freaking you out so much. That your mother might like somebody else than your father? Or that she is a human being with sexuality? That she might be pregnant and have financial troubles? Or that she might be too old for a baby?
And then, once you are clear about your feelings and concerns, you might try to - carefully - address the topic.
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