A
female
age
41-50,
*hanib
writes:Why does he say these horrible things to me? My partner and i of 7 yrs have called time on our relationship. After another incident of abuse both phyisical and verbal in front of my kids i told him id had enough. although i only have the odd bruise he seems to think it wasnt that bad, however he attempted to show violence in front of the children. I realise that this behaviour is not to be accepted and he has left me no choice but to call it a day. He has just bought a flat but is waiting for the sale to go through. until this time he is sleeping on the sofa. The atmosphere is slightly uncomfortable. He thinks if he says he sorry and blames me by saying im moody and make him angry. But he says that i gave him a life he didnt want and have a duty to see it through until the kids are older and that we can learn to love each other again. Is it me or is he totally deluded in thinking that im going to feel guilty about having our kids. He accuses me of being a control freak when i dont believe i am. What is wrong with this man, i dont understand his thinking at all, why would you want to stay with someone who you feel ruined your life by having kids and then be abusive when they dont show you the love you expect?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2012): "Why would you stay with someone who ruined your life?"
Good question. Why have you stayred?
"why would you want to stay with someone who you feel ruined your life by having kids and then be abusive when they dont show you the love you expect?"
Need more information. How much rent are you charging him to sleep on your sofa?
"After another incident of abuse both phyisical and verbal in front of my kids i told him id had enough."
You should have told him the first time he hit you that you'd had enough and thrown him out then. Now you're raisng kids who will grow up to be abusive controlling men and/or doormat victim women because that is what they're learning from their mother and the sperm donor she shacked up: such abhorrent behaviour is not only acceptable, it's expected.
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (19 January 2012):
 Aunty BimBim has given you great advice. I hope you've digested it and will follow it.....
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2012): Basically he is being emotionally and physically abusive to you. One strike is enough, bruise or not, and not to be brushed off. And somehow blaming you for his behaviour is another way of making you feel under his control. The two of you cannot be together. You need to be on speaking terms for the kids but the sooner you have him out of your life the better.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (19 January 2012):
 In a relationship there is no such things as "only the odd bruise" ... can you not get him out of your house sooner,my gut tells me he is only keeping his fists to himself while he is sleeping on the sofa because he thinks he can wear you down.
My advise is to get him out altogether and at the first sign of renewed violence call the police AND FOLLOW THROUGH!
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