A
female
age
30-35,
*rs.flyaway
writes:I wouldn't have problem with that at all if I was living close to the one I love, but I'm not. We're a 12hr flight apart (he's from the USA and I'm from Europe) and it's not very easy to deal with the distance. We have been together for a year and a half now, he tells me he loves me, he even came to my country to visit me and we know Americans aren't really cosmopolitan people. When we're together we get along perfectly fine, we do things together, he does things for me, he is very loving and caring and I wouldn't want anyone else to be my boyfriend.We were talking about me coming to school there so we could go to college together and be closer to each other and he suggested me moving into his parents' house (he has the whole floor for himself). That was definitely a couple of months ago. So a week ago when he was leaving my country I was a little bit upset and cried a lot and he was there for me, trying to make me feel better, telling me him leaving is just another step to us being together forever. When he came home and I wanted to tell him good news, that my mom is willing to take a loan so I could get there earlier and start with the summer semester instead of fall, he said he's not ready for me to move in with him. That he is too selfish to let someone else live with him right now (his other brothers and sisters already moved out and he finally has the place for himself).I kind of understand him though, I know he needs some time just for himself, considering he had to share the floor with his sibling and the whole house with two more children and it was pretty crowded, but I was shocked. I was shocked when he told me that, because I have given up SO MUCH just so I could go to school there. I didn't go to school in my own country, I was working instead and I cannot go until next October and I really don't know if I want to go, because I know an American college will be a lot better for me. So he's all of a sudden not ready. He's told me several times he wants to marry me, he has even showed me pictures of engagement rings and to top this, he brought one to my country but he didn't ask me to marry him. But he was obviously THINKING about it. I don't know how he can change his mind so quickly, I don't know how he can think about marriage but not want me to move in with him, I don't know what to do right now, because I'm a 19 yr old girl not going to school and I desperately want to start working on my future. Because that's what matters the most. I want to have a good future. But I want to have a good future with him too.Normally, because I was scared he sort of decided ha can't do the long distance thing anymore, I asked him if he still loved me the way he did at the beginning. He said yes and he acts like it too, he still calls me cute names and tells me things, but he told me he liked to be alone and not talk all the time. I'd deal with that if we were 10 minutes apart from each other, BUT WE ARE NOT! I can't see him, I can't hug him, I can't kiss him and after a wonderful year and a half spent together, he tells me he's not ready, even though we have been talking about that for a long time.What do you think happened? Do you think he's just so thrilled to have the place for himself and doesn't want anyone to spoil that? But it's me? I'm his girlfriend...Additional DetailsI have visited his country before (stayed there 3 months, he cried when I left), the evening before he was supposed to leave, we were laying in bed, both crying. I think it's pretty obviously we're in love, but I don't know why he's not ready do commit. I'm always taking good care of him, there hasn't been a day when I didn't bring him breakfast in bed, rubbed his back if he was in pain, cuddled with him, and then again: Let him play gamed if he wanted to! For hours if he felt like it. Maybe I am a little bit clingy and I am most certainly trying to change that, but that shouldn't be a reason for him not wanting to help me with my future.
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female
reader, mrs.flyaway +, writes (19 January 2012):
mrs.flyaway is verified as being by the original poster of the question Yes, I slept with him. I believe we have a pretty good sex life (every day when we're together). And I seriously don't think he has met anyone else before he came. He was very happy when he saw me and very passionate every time we made love, and sad when he had to leave.
And no, he was not locked into this trip. He could have simply cancelled his flight ticket, because he had this option, he would save $1200, but he didn't do it.
We are still talking, he is still loving and caring, he still tells me he loves me and more I think about it, the more I realize that maybe it is too soon to make a new step. I mean, I would do it, just for the sake of being with him, but I know women are more emotional then men and need more closeness.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2012): The whole thing is strange. Did you sleep with him? Do you guys have a sex life?
Yeah obviously something happened when he came up to visit you...or something happened leading up to his coming to visit you. I imagine he had bought his tickets to go see you a few months in advance. It is possible that he met someone else during that time. He knew he was locked into this trip, and perhaps he wanted to see you one last time to make sure he was making the right choice.
Whatever the reason, it is pretty obvious that he is not into it anymore. I am sorry. Long distance rarely ever works. Just be strong and move on. Everything will be ok.
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