A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I was dating a girl from work for about 8 months last year, but finished with her in December. The relationship was an emotional rollercoaster to say the least, but the last straw for me was receiving a text from her saying she was going on holiday with her friends and was at the airport waiting for her flight!! "See you when I get back!!" she said!So, I wrote her a letter saying how I felt the relationship obviously wasn't going to work and it was for the best that we parted ways. I wished her all the best for the future and began to focus on a future for myself without her.When she came back to work, I avoided her as much as possible, but remained polite and professional due to our surroundings. I didn't want to talk to her about anything personal and get caught up in conversation.However, one day she took me to one side and explained about why she went on the holiday and later that night sent me a text message saying she was sorry she had hurt my feelings.She then began to instigate conversation with me when we were on breaks, passing in corridors, etc. She also sent me some other texts and it was obvious that she was she was trying to be nice.On Christmas Eve, she took me to one side again and gave me a Christmas present and a card. I was surprised to be honest, and felt guilty as I hadn't bought anything for her. To me the relationship was over and by now wasn't sure if she was being genuine or playing some game with me.At New Years Eve, she sent me a text saying she had been thinking about me all day and wished she could have been with me at a family party I was at. I wished her a happy New Year and all the best.Over the last 2 months, it's been more or less the same - polite conversation and quick chats. However, at the moment she is working less hours now so we hardly ever see each other at all.Now, on Saturday I had to work with a girl who is quite chatty and flirty. She is quite loud and extrovert. My GF (ex!) has never really liked her and saw that we were working together. Oh, this chatty girl is in a relationship and expecting a baby in 3 months time, so it's not like there's anything going on between us.At the end of the day, I asked how her day went and she said "Not as well as yours, by the sounds of it" and then went on about me enjoying myself and being in good spirits all the time. She made personal comments about the chatty girl I had worked with and then admitted she was jealous. She said it was because she's interested in me, which I thought was odd.One of the reasons the relationship wasn't working for me was because she was being flaky and distant with me (something I have written about here on DC at the time) and I felt it best to finish it before I went insane!!!When we were together, she couldn't commit 100% due to her work and home circumstances, and so I've never felt that close, loving feeling from her. So, I'm a bit confused just now. Why would she do all this texting, Christmas present, chatting, etc when I have been avoiding her and not returning the same to her? I was honest and sincere in my letter to her and explained why it wasn't working for me, so it's not like I've been leading her to think anything different.Why be so jealous of me talking to this other girl? She seemed more bothered by that than the letter I wrote in December!!!Any thoughts about this would be much appreciated.Thanks.
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christmas, flirt, jealous, on holiday, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2012): I think you have exactly what I've had recently.I think this woman is ALL ABOUT HER, as the post below says.She isn't interested until you DON'T want her, she is okay with all the attention and probably moved on by now to another man who gives her the same.I know what this roller coaster of emotions feels like,full on, then when snared, backs off, then when you bak off, she comes back full on.Confusing, hurtful, and it gets into your head so that you think about it all the time, questions like ,,,, are we lovers/friends,,,,,,,,,, are we an item or not.She will play games with you as long as you let her.You need to ask her outright what it is that she wants where you are concerned, and then ask her to match her actions to her words, nothing else will do.She may well have a personaility disorder, it certainly sounds like she is showing signs of 'splitting' (I like you/don't come near me)Beware, if she has, you will end up an emotional wreck so tread carefully!!Google it, it may help.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2012): Its obvious she is still interested in you and your definately interested in her otherwise you would not be here looking for advice
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A
female
reader, PerhapsNot  +, writes (21 February 2012):
 You rejected her, so now you're a challenge. She was more distant and less invested in the relationship than you, so when you dumped her, it didn't sit well with her ego. Most men and women will try to get back together when they're dumped. And this is what's happening to you.Granted at the same time, I don't think you're innocent in this game either. Why do you feel the need to indulge her and your own weakness by daily chatting? I understand you work together, but there is no need to say anything more than "hello" and "have a good day" IF you see her. Even more importantly, YOU are responding to her texts. Texts are completely not work related, yet there you are accepting them and responding. Why don't you ignore her text, or better yet, tell her that since you have broken up, you don't feel it's appropriate for you two to talk anymore and that you don't want to? My guess is that like most humans you find this flattering and it does the ego good. Until you no longer respond to text and you stop the chit chat, this will continue.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2012): "Why would she do all this texting, Christmas present, chatting, etc when I have been avoiding her and not returning the same to her?" Wild guess, but I'd say whatever potential meal ticket she assumed was promising enough to toss you aside in favor of pursuing while on holiday with "friends" didn't pan out and so shortly after her return you suddenly became her least objectionable, last and only available option until a better opportunity presented itself, and in her mind one apparently has. "Why be so jealous of me talking to this other girl?"Because she's a chick, and if there's one thing any chick can't stand more than a currently valueless ex into whose affections she was recently reduced to attempting to weasel her way back until a better offer suddenly materialized, it's a brazen shameless hussy swooping in to steal him away out fom under her nose. Basically, she's better than any other woman so she can't abide the thought of coming in second to any other random female currently breathing spontaneously, and to complicate matters you're on call 24/7 as her last ditch, desperation, when all else fails, fallback Plan Z-minus.Basically, she is doing whatever she can to prevent any other woman on the face of the earth from stealing you away from her because she's so much better, while at the same time doing whatever she can to avoid having to settle for you instead of any other man on the face of the earth because you're so much worse. Got it? She's all about her, whatever she does is for her sole benefit, that's why she doesn't care how you respond or don't, any questions about her actions or behavior can be answered by asking another question, always the same one, "What's in it for her?"
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (21 February 2012):
Sounds to me that at first she was either playing games or wasn't sure what she wanted. Then when you ended it, she flipped and realized what she needed to do. Maybe it's too little too late, but she's making the effort now that she didn't before. She obviously likes/cares about you and is trying to win back your affections. Simple.
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