A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hey agony aunts....I pray someone out there can help.. My ex and I broke up four years ago just after uni - it was a 4 year relationship. It was a messy breakup - he ditched me saying he wanted to be on his own and then I found out a week later he had actually started seeing someone else (I found pics of him on Facebook with his tongue down her throat). I think I am still partly traimatised by his lies and the break up, and much as I don't want him back the pain still hits me every day. He married her a few months ago and I saw pictures and messages which made me so mad - I feel so angry and hurt that he lied to me and that she stole him. (even though it takes 2.) how can I move on from this? It still hurts every day and I am so tempted to message him and tell him how much he hurt me, but I know it wouldn't change anything. I can't let go and I am terrified this will haunt me forever...
View related questions:
broke up, facebook, move on, my ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2012): Thank you for the tips guys - I guess I just need to have the self control to stop looking at stuff I know will hurt me. It's hard though as so many of our friends are mutual friends and 2 of them went to the wedding (in America!) and didn't tell me, which dragged it all up again. Fortunately I have a wonderful new partner who I adore, but somehow the fear of it happening again and the pain of the breakup still weighs heavily on my mind. We are also in a LDR (as it was with my ex after uni) and I'm sure that's a big reason why I'm still worrying. I will do my best to move on because you're right - he didn't deserve me!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2012): Hey, you eventually will. In the past I cried everyday and was in so much agony tt it was killing me. And I would keep wanting to keep the things tt we used to have, and missing those times. My sibling told me to throw them away but I refused. I was in the same class as him as well and had to face him flirting with other girls and even telling all His friends tt he's single. Please don't message him or call him. I called him and he hung up on me. Be strong. Let him feel tt you no longer care. and make him believe tt you aren't affected. Now you may be crying everyday but one day you will eventually get tired and move on, unknowingly. It might take awhile, but one day you will..
...............................
A
male
reader, zedd  +, writes (21 February 2012):
Have you tried to find someone else who actually wants to be with you? Your life is yours, don't let any human being (who is not interested in you) have that much power over you. If you want to let him go, you can, it's all up to you. If you don't want to, think about the reasons of not doing so. When I was in a similar situation I realized that I was not willing to let go of my ex gf because as long as I was mourning that relationship I had an excuse to feel sorry for myself and not face other problems in my life. Be brave, let go of self-pity, let happiness get into its place.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2012): Tell him exactly how you feel only then will you be able to move on lets be honest here you haven`t got anything to loose
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2012): Dear Anonymous,I'm sorry you still feel the pain and have difficulty moving on. It was a 4 year relationship in which you invested yourself, so that alone makes it hard to move on. The fact that it was messy also didn't help. However, the breaking point was that he LIED to you. Intially saying he wanted to be alone when instead it was "someone else" was a cowardly thing to do. He may have been trying to spare your feelings, but you found out anyway and that traumatised you just as much if not worse if it had come from him. He was just out of university, so perhaps we will give him the benefit of the doubt that he wasn't mature enough to face the music by telling you himself. The first step: REMOVE him from Facebook. DO NOT look at his photos, or what is going on with his life. That just keeps it fresh and you won't ever move on. Why torture yourself seeing his wedding photos, the messages, etc. It's human nature to be curious, but in your case, it just adds fuel to the fire and hurts you more and more. You need to make a clean break, and put him behind you. He was not worthy of your love, he lied to you, he has married someone else now, so he is history. In the past. You need to do everything to put him in the past and focus on the NOW and your future.Are you working? Focus on your career. Set goals (short, medium and long terms ones). Spend time with family (people that love you unconditionally and always want what is best for you, with no hidden agenda). Spend time with good quality friends. Pursue your hobbies and interests, and find new things to keep you challenged and enjoying life. One day you will meet someone new, who will help you forget all about the past and give you hope for a new brighter future. You need to spend time healing from the past...so that you can move forward. Definitely end the online "stalking" and create new habits online. Also, DO NOT message him expressing how much he hurt you, etc. It won't change anything as you said, but it may make you feel better, so what you CAN do is write what you would want to say to him, in a letter, pour out your heart in that letter with everything you felt, and still feel, and what he did to you. Everything. Then either burn it, or bury it with the date, and in 5 years come back and re-read it and see how far you have come, how much things have changed, and how it may have been a blessing in disguise for better things for you?Also, go on Google and search for articles on healing from a broken heart, there are many sites with people sharing similar stories. Share your story so that you don't keep it in and let it fester. If you find none of the above helps, and you really can't let go and it's a daily thought and you are stuck, then perhaps counselling is the next best step.I hope you find the help you need, so you can be free of this hurt and move on, and experience complete happiness and joy :) which you deserve!Best Wishes, xxxx E
...............................
|
