A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:I've been in therapy for a 1 1/2. I've had a psychologist and a family therapist who I've grown close to which has given me strength to get to where I am now. However, I've had to be passed onto a psychotherapist because I was having problems they couldn't help me with and I was good with it. The transition was great until they told me they had to take a step back and give me space by seeing me less often. But it wasn't what I expected. They are being cold and distant towards me and I feel like I've done something wrong because they didn't tell me it was going to be like this! My psychotherapist admitted we I told her what was going on that that was what they planned would happen. I'm so angry! Where was my voice in this meeting? If I opened up about everything, couldn't they trust that I would be ok about telling them what I need and didn't need from them? Why! I've never been able to trust so much and I feel totally betrayed! They're no different from anyone else in my life! I'm not attached to them, I just trusted them a lot not to be cold because they have never been like that. It's like they completely changed. It makes me question whether they actually cared or were genuine. I feel horrible and taken for a fool for trusting. Will it ever be the same again. I feel confused and don't know what to do. It wasn't the transition that was the problem, it's the way they handled it. I feel out of control. Should I speak up and say something? What should I do? I feel uncomfortable and don't want to own up anymore. I feel rejected and feel like I get told off for asking for help from them when my psychotherapist isn't around. Help me! Thanks Reply to this Question
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female
reader, femmenoir  +, writes (1 May 2016):
 Also, if a client feels that their life is spiraling out of control and they're starting to have suicidal thoughts or tendancies, then the professional is bound by law, to report this to senior staff or even the Police, so it's a very serious situation.
If anybody ever feels so unwell or desperate that suicide enters their mind, they should always talk to somebody that they can trust and that they feel comfortable talking to.
It could be a close family member, a friend, but if they have nobody to go to, or can't find anybody they trust fully, thenh chatting in private with their GP, is always the best port of call.
A
female
reader, femmenoir +, writes (1 May 2016):
Hi,
IIifton is right. What she has mentioned is what i was going to mention to you.
May i also add,
the issue with any professional Psychologist, Counsellor, Psychotherapist or Psychiatrist is that all of them are bound by ethical law, not to cross any personal boundaries with all of their clients and if they did, they'd be dismissed immediately, not to mention more serious punishment in certain instances.
For example, the issue of "transference", whereby the professional cannot get involved on a personal level and hand out personal advice, nor develop an emotional connection with their counsellor.
The professional is there to help you help yourself and that's it.
Anthing more, is getting way too personal and breaches the professionals code of conduct, that they're all bound by.
I would strongly advise you to not take any of this personally whatsoever, because the professional who could not longer assist you and was forced to refer you to your new Psychotherapist, only did what they had to do for your own benefit.
You weren't their personal friend, so they aren't bound to continue seeing you.
It's solely a professional relationship, so this is what will always happen with any patient.
If you feel you're not in control of your life or your emotions right now, i would seriously advise you to re-visit your GP & discuss with he/she that you are in this situation and you are confused and don't know what to do at present.
You can also discuss, in private, all that you feel with your Psychotherapist, but do keep in mind that, they will not be able to entertain you with any conversation that is non-professional and too personal.
If it's general info that they can use to assist you in assiting yourself thoroughout the counselling process, that's ok, but if you are getting way too personal and getting too emotional and getting too aggressive or too demanding, they may decide to refer you onto another professional, or they may not be able to see you anymore, which would be very bad, especially if you're not feeling any better and know yoou could do withmore counselling.
I do wish you all the best and please send me a private msg, if you'd like to chat further.
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A
female
reader, femmenoir +, writes (1 May 2016):
Hi,
IIifton is right. What she has mentioned is what i was going to mention to you.
May i also add,
the issue with any professional Psychologist, Counsellor, Psychotherapist or Psychiatrist is that all of them are bound by ethical law, not to cross any personal boundaries with all of their clients and if they did, they'd be dismissed immediately, not to mention more serious punishment in certain instances.
For example, the issue of "transference", whereby the professional cannot get involved on a personal level and hand out personal advice, nor develop an emotional connection with their counsellor.
The professional is there to help you help yourself and that's it.
Anthing more, is getting way too personal and breaches the professionals code of conduct, that they're all bound by.
I would strongly advise you to not take any of this personally whatsoever, because the professional who could not longer assist you and was forced to refer you to your new Psychotherapist, only did what they had to do for your own benefit.
You weren't their personal friend, so they aren't bound to continue seeing you.
It's solely a professional relationship, so this is what will always happen with any patient.
If you feel you're not in control of your life or your emotions r
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (1 May 2016):
 Listen, you are in a vulnerable position. When feeling vulnerable, and you give trust to someone, it is so easy to get worried about rejection and feeling like people have turned on you. But, it could all be nothing! One moment of being cold, or perhaps distant, in the course of over a year. As far as I understood the story (although it was a bit hard to follow) you are seeing therapist nr. 1 and then got transferred to therapist nr. 2 who you haven't been seeing before? And then therapist nr 2. told you they could not have sessions with you as often as you used to have with therapist nr. 1? Please correct if this is wrong.
Anyway, just because you will see them less frequently, does not mean they are cold to you or don't want to help you. But therapists are people too, and they are different from one another. Maybe chemistry was great with one therapist, and not so great with another. Doesn't mean they are cruel or cold, just means that this is how they are. And they are this way towards everyone. It's not against you specifically.
But when in a vulnerable position, it is so easy to interpret these reactions as negative, and end up feeling rejected.
Please do hang in there and remind yourself that you are worthy of respect, and that if anyone, at any point, would reject you, it is their loss. What other people might say and think is only a reflection of them, and never of you! Next time you are with therapist nr. 2, how about you ask them directly why they have the cold disposition towards you? Or ask if it is possible to switch back to therapist nr. 1, or get a third therapist instead. Not all therapists are a good match for their patient. It's about chemistry, as it is with all human relations.
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A
female
reader, llifton  +, writes (1 May 2016):
 I understand the relationship of therapists can often times get confusing, as these are people you grow to trust with your deepest, darkest secrets, and are sometimes the only ones there for us at our lowest points in life. However, it's important to keep in mind that this person isn't your friend. This is a business-professional relationship. They are there to provide a service to you. Yes, it's different than most professional relationships because it involves the discussion of such intimate, personal matters. However, it's very important that it must still remain professional and not become too friendly.
For whatever reason (maybe they sensed you were getting too close and dependant upon them?), they determined you needed a different therapist, and that it would be best to take a step back. They have to maintain their ethical obligations and not cross improper boundaries. It sounds like that's what they are doing.
Try not to take this as a blow to you. Take it for what it is - the end of a professional relationship. You no longer need their services like you did before, so you have no reason to carry on your relationship. They were there and helped you when you needed them. Now you are with an different therapist.
I hope this has helped.
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A
female
reader, miss frank +, writes (1 May 2016):
Hello. I would like to offer some advise to you, that I am hoping will help you understand and feel better.Please know that how you are left feeling right now isn't how any transition or individual therapist would ever want you to feel, but often clients do and there isn't a way to change that unfortunately....I say this because you have seen a therapist for some time, and to be so young and doing so I can only imagine the reasons and trauma you have suffered and how it has affected you. My guess is that your ability to trust people is pretty much destroyed, and the sheer fact you have been able to open up to a therapist as you have over the year and half is absolutely incredible and amazing, so huge admiration to you foe that.To open up as you have however, to share and trust a therapist with what you have had to - by the very nature of why you would have spent this time seeing them- would lead anyone to have a strong bond and attachment to them...it would be normal.You have identified intellectually yourself that you are aware of the need to now move the next stage of you therapy to a different therapist who will offer a different service...i would say that it is different to intellectually accept and understand such a thing, and to actually psychologically and emotionally complete this...especially given the time you have spent with this therapist.I can absolutely promise you that no therapist will ever want you feeling as you do, but could likely predict it because of the reasons above. Therapists care about their patients. You are cared about. It will feel like they have backed off, what they have done from their perspective is disconnect enough professionally to allow the next stage of your recovery to commence without them as an individual hindering your progress in the next stage.They don't care less than they did when they last had a session with you, they will know that you will struggle with this part, because trusting anyone for you is exceptionally difficult. It maybe worth you saying something - or even writing it. You could do it in rational mind and irrational mind- what I mean by that is, write all your upset and emotions of how you feel first- really let it out. Then write all your evidence that you aren't being rejected, that this is part of your recovery and how resected and listened to you felt in the time you were with your last therapist etc.Best of luck to you.
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