A
female
age
36-40,
*oldie22
writes:Hi aunts and uncles some friend and parenting advice please. I have a friend called T who lives a few houses down from me in the same street. We have been friends for a couple of years and our daughters play together. Recently things have been difficult. Since T's daughter P stated school she has turned into a bully and T just isn't correcting her! She And my daughter had a little disagreement over some toys yesterday and it resulted in P grabbing my daughters face and shouting " shut your stupid face!" T did nothing much except say it was an accident and that my daughter needs to toughen up a bit .... It wasn't an accident. Later my daughter crying again because P is calling her a baby. I vowed I would never fall out over kids but this is almost every time they play together recently. My daughter isn't an angel, no kid is bit I can't understand why my friend is being such a lazy parent in the sense that she will not correct her daughter! It's not my place to correct P when her mother is present. I don't want a massive blow out argument so how do I deal with this as T gets defensive if I bring it up! The girls have played together since they were babies so it seems a shame to break up a friendship but I don't know how else to do it! Any good advice please? Many thanks x Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (2 May 2016):
 I agree with Ivy.
You can correct BOTH girls in a calm manner. As a parent you should NOT just sit by and wait for other parents to STOP their child from being being a bully. Seriously. You are teaching your daughter that YOU do NOT stand up for her.
When we were stationed in Germany there was another mom I got along well with at first. She had 2 kids, the younger were the same age as mine. The older however, was a little bully and a twerp and the MOM let her. I didn't. I gently told the older to NOT push the two little ones, to not hit, not take the toys they were playing with and to not bite - I redirected her to other toys, engaged her in conversation etc. (my daughter and the younger sister were around 2, the older was 4). The mom at first were NOT happy with ME correcting her older kid, but the result were 3 kids getting along.
While she DID NOT (I know from other parents) correct or parent her girls around other kids, when I wasn't around, I would NEVER allow some little kid to bully MY kid. And when she (the mom) did get upset for me telling her oldest to NOT bite MY kid for the 2nd time, I stopped hanging out with the mom and girls. I didn't FEEL my child deserved to be bit and bullies so I could have an adult friend.
There are SO many ways to correct a situation gone "bad" with little ones. REDIRECTION is EASY. Getting on the kids eye-level and saying in a calm voice that it's NOT OK to hit (or whatever) is EASY. That means you talk to BOTH girls. YOU set the rules, YOU ARE THE ADULT!
A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (1 May 2016):
 sorry but I beg to differ. I believe it is your place to correct such behaviour-especially when it is your child. Being so young, you are her advocate and to stand by and let it happen in fear of upsetting your friend puts you in a position of being a bystander-just like the kids in the school yard. Next time it happens, you need to pull the child up first by not speaking like that, as it's not nice or polite especially if she wants your daughter to keep coming over to play. If the friend doesn't like it too bloody bad.
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