A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I would like a girls point of view on this preferably.....Why would my ex have been sooo nasty and horrible?Sorry if it gets a lil long..I dated this girl who i realy cared about and she knew it, i was very open and honest with her. Unfortunetly when we broke up physically i was not in a good state, i had nerve damage in my face at the time. Anyways, i was in a complete mess and bassically collapsed and had to go on anti depressents Because of my face and the break up at the same time, I turned into a complete sapp, i would call her up crying and trying to explain my actions of our relationship as we had problems (which were not all my fault) Any ways she turned really really nasty on me....saying i made her skin crawl and she hated me and i was pathetic ect, now i understand she would have maybe lost respect for me and been annoyed at me keeping about us , but at the time i was in such a mess a didnt know what to do, One of the problems in our relationship was that she thought i would get jealous or possesive , soo would she maybe have gotten angry and fired off because she couldnt differenciate the differance between me being in such a state and needing her for support and help because i couldnt cope and thought it was because of me being possesive, ive tried to do everything i can think of to explain it to her in the right way but just end up making it worse, The things she said to me really messed me up to the point i had to go see a councilor to get my head straight because i was traumatised by it. Its probably important to add that i got the nerve damage sticking up for her, and we dated twice with a year half and her having a serious relationship in between, and i was only over protective because she made me that way by playing head games with me all the time but that was a miss understanding form our 1st relationship....which makes me think was there an element of revenge or some kind or spitefull satisfaction from it she got.Why would she turn on me like she did?Any advice would be much appreciated
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male
reader, Finalmente me  +, writes (18 October 2008):
Hi Guys,
I just write because I wanna thank you so much anonymous and daisylee, this is an enlightening experience for me.
I have just got out of an almost identical situation as yours anonymous. And you have been able to expose it with sensitivity, clearity and emotional honesty. Thank you so much because it takes a hell of a brain to be so composed and analytical after all of it. I honestly admire you!
I have spent hours during these past weeks reading everywhere on internet discussions as these.. I found a lot of stereotipically written answers. I found a lot of anger, and a lot of faked control, most of it left me still "unconscious".
I wanna thank you Daisylee, cause here you gave away a lot, you really are what I mean for a real "woman". Anonymous, she just told US, me and you (cause I feel 100% sympathetic to you, we are twins in this disgrace!), she gave US the MOST PRECIOUS piece of wisdom. She must be a great woman isn't she?? She just told us two very important things - i quote you daisylee directly:
1.The mind games are there to ask u wether or not to date her.
2. There is the entire BIG paragraph in the middle of the letter, that which starts with: But the most probable reason could be the JELOUSY AND POSSESSION THING!!!! This paragraph is just written amazingly, I like the aggression she put into this == she's talking about something REAL, that she has experienced!!! She's not talking some c***p like I have found everywhere else in the web!!
I think anonymous, me and you, and I hope a million guys out there who have the same problems, had the luck to read such a post.
I really wanna thank you guys, because I really have understood a lot about myself and about who I should never, I say NEVER, be again. Thanks daisylee, I already saved your response in my PC because I will read it a thousand times more..
Great job with your question brother, thanks to her reply, and to us who will actually do most of the job for finally growing up and becoming real men.
And by the way, thanks to the girls who made us grow wiser, even if it hurt, it was a miracle.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2008): Hi thakyou for your replies...its a difficult situation to explain, basically we sort of dated when we were younger although wasnt serious we werent together or anything, there was another girl after me at the same time, but nothing happned with her what so ever, even if it did it wouldnt have mattered really because we wernt in a relationship or anything, we driffted apart and went our seperate ways, we then ended up together properly about 2 years later , but she had it in her head that i cheated on her the first time round, because of this she would blow very hot and cold with me and had alot of missplaced anger, because of this i would feel very uneasy about things and end up being over protective without realising it, i would never normally be like that in fact normally be completley the opposite, if i wanted to argue it ( which i dont) because i cant be bothered and dont think it would acomplish anything , i could say that it was in fact her jealousy and possesiveness that caused everything to go from in the first place. Ive tried to explain my actions to her and why i was like i was and she just calls me a psyco lol and fires off a load of nasty abuse at me , it was very difficult to watch us break up and have all these problems and do nothing about it or talk them through, but she had no sense of decency or maturity about any of it.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2008): same guy as previous here, just forgot to ask howd she have a relationship in the middle? she sounds like a complete user.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2008): Man I cant say this loud enough...GOOD RIDDANCE! Ya can do way better. None of what happened was your fault and there's plenty more hot, NICE girls out there. You only got nerve damage cos a her and she has the cheek to call you pathetic after you stood up for her. forget her. Go off and be with other girls and you'l forget all bout her.
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A
female
reader, daisylee +, writes (25 September 2008):
hi, i offer you my opinion on your poor situation. First of all, your not a saap. Being upset and pretty much a wreck for a few month is our magical way of licking our wounds. It SUCKS like nothing else in this world, you might not realise it now but what doesnt kill you makes you stronger.
Admittantly the things she said to you were harsh, cruel and granted that doesnt aways happen but......girls being nasty after a breakup that included the nasty face of jelousy and possesion is 100% a certainty.
she could have been nasty to u for a number of reasons, it could be that she is hurting and she might not think u fully understand why she is hurting so she is angry at u for it, and because she has nothing to make you hurt with she went for the only weakness you had at the time.
When you said that it wasnt all one sided and she was partly to blame, it could be then that she feels bad for the circimstances that hapened an she is more angry at herself and is just venting it at u.
But the most probable reason could be the JELOUSY AND POSSESSION THING!!!! Girls hate it in its entirety! Whether girls play mind games or not doesnt make it exusable to be jelous. The mind games are there to ask u wether or not to date her. You chose to date her so you cant then punish her based on a trust issue that happened before you made that choice. If u both agreed to get together then you both should stand by yor decision which includes respecting them I certainly know that every girl i know including me have ditched a guy due to over possesion and jelously bcause we see it as unescessary and disrespectful, because we chose to be with them and we ar not possesions.
however what she said to you is inexusable, wether it was that she was hurting, she knew you were hurting too and she kicked you when you were down. Never let anyone tell you your not a good person, no one has that right and those who think they dont deserve to have u in their life. you deserve so much better and you deserve someone who puts care and effort into you as much as you give out. You deserve way better that to know someone who has the power to make you feel like crap
smile and take care
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