A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hey everyone,Its my first time writing on here so here goes... im in a really weird situation and need some adviceI was with my ex for 4 years in which i found out that he had cheated on me in the first 6 months of our relationship with his ex girlfriend. either way we continued our relationship and we both made it work as we love each other a lot... we had 3 very good years and the final year was completely messed up. we were arguing and he made no time or effort with me. i spoke to him on several occasions about me being unhappy but nothing. i then decided that this isnt going anywhere and nothings changing and that the only forward was to take a break so we can realize what we have and whether its worth it. one month after we broke up we started talking and i went to see him for lunch to which he told me he misses me but "doesnt want me back, well not at the moment anyway." obviously im still in love with him so i tried to understand why he didnt want me back, as we both agreed that it was only a break... however i didnt beg anymore and took it and moved away from him and never looked back.anyways six months have now passed now where i have not contacted him. However he has contacted me a couple of times to which i replied "yes im fine." tbh i have changed who i was.. ive become a more independent and spiritual person and changed my ways... until last week...he texted me to say hello, hope ur ok and if i would like to go cinema next week... i ignored it but wasn't able to get it out of my mind... after one week i had to respond for some reason... i texted saying i dont think thats a good idea unless ur intentions have changed and that he want me back... we than had a long talk over the phone but the gist of it was that he didn't love me anymore but wanted to see if i was ok and see me for a catch up... i told him that its extremely hard for me to be friends with him atm and to stop contacting me... but i know he wont.. i had told him several times before not to but he still does... i really would love to be with him still but he has told me he doesn't want the same. Then why does he still contact me???? i have told him that it makes it very hard for me coz after his call/ txt i must start the process of moving on all over again...i dont know what to do... i really love him and am always tempted to see him again but i know its bad for me.. i love him so much but apparently he doesn't love me anymore... but what i don't understand is why he would call/ text or arrange to meet up if he doesn't want me/ or if he wants to.. i don't get it... every time i ask he says just to catch up or that he doesn't know... please help...why would he get in contact??
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a break, broke up, cheated on me, ex girlfriend, get back together, his ex, my ex, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2011): Does he want you back? (You ask?) NO! He wants you in case other fails. And if you continue to give him what he wants, when he wants he will continue to hurt you. This relationship is broken, you need to move forward. And that means move on... I am not saying this to hurt you, I am saying this to send a wake up call. Its kind of like those Jerry Springer episodes where you are the guest and the first segment you tell Jerry that you love him if only he would change his mind (people can only choose to change if they are making the decision) and then you go into the isolation booth (nothing good ever comes from the isolation booth) while your boyfriend sits and tells Jerry that he likes you but does not love you. Then you come on together and it blows up in your face. You should expect more from a relationship! Period. Good luck doll.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2011): As difficult as it will be: STOP all contact with him.
He's keeping you on the sideline while he goes on with his life.
The fact that he was "honest" about not wanting to get back together as a couple with you, only leads me to believe that he knows he has you right where he wants you.
You deserve more!
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questiondo u believe he wants me back or wants to slowly starts something up with me again... coz he said to me when i asked him do u want to be with, that maybe in the future but atm no"
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2011): I think everyone likes the idea of being needed in some way. And I think he is getting his fix by contacting you, the problem is....it is now stopping you from moving on with your life and that is where the problem lies.Its not fair to you that he gets to have you, the way he wants, and when he wants, yet you don't get what you need. He may be doing it subconciously, but he is doing it. But to be honest, I come from the philosophy that once a cheater always a cheater. You are much better then what he is giving you. Its not easy to move on but you have to do it. If he wants to get into contact with you or wants you back then he needs to be calling you everyday....every hour saying that he needs you....flowers etc... When guys want to be with someone, they will find a way to do it. I would make a dead line that if he doesn't come to his senses within a month, its time to move forward and that means you block his number and go to no contact, I would also start dating again, maybe if he knows your a hot commodity he'll get it. But really I don't think this guy is right for you. I would never let someone disrespect me by cheating and then being able to still date me. My parents put way too much time, energy and money to make me a strong woman to stay with someone like that. I hope this helps, let me know how it goes...good luck!
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A
female
reader, StormySeas  +, writes (6 September 2011):
I have a friend going through this very same situation, and it is so difficult to watch her heart break every time he decides to "pop" back into her life. He is the one person she would stop her world for, and I feel that if he would just leave her be... maybe then, she could meet a nice guy and move on. Maybe you feel the same way...My advise to her, which was just a couple weeks ago was...The good old saying of "trust your gut," and if you get the feeling really quick that he is just "still not feeling it" then run!In her case (I will not label yours,I believe that he comes around when he is lonely, uses the excuse that he is "checking on her" and then poof! He does not feel the pain she feels. My opinion..it is very arrogant for him to assume she is not doing okay, simply because he is not around. I do not know your guy, but the situation sounds the same. Good for you for waiting a week to respond!! That took serious strength! I do not like to see my girls hurt, so I say....Forget him! Continue your independence and your spiritual journey! Find what makes YOU happy all by yourself, and if he calls again, or you walk by him on the street... say "I am doing just fine!"... and mean it!!Stay strong!! :)
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