A
female
age
26-29,
*olly9945
writes:I just need some advice on how to approach something.Mothers day my family and my bosses parents came in to eat brunch(they were at different tables though) at the restaurant I work at. After dinner they ended up chatting and the conversation just led to my dads gf saying she is my mom, when she knows how much I do not like her and that I love my real mom. She isn't even my step mom! Anyways I want to bring this up to her, but I don't know how, or if I should. Any advice I would love! I'm just so mad and confused about why she would do that. I told her even that she is not my parent and I don't want her acting as such and my dad agreed and so did she... Until now :P
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (16 May 2012):
 As your sister is a licensed psychologist, she will have access to people who can help you pursue the legal options at your disposal.
And the good news is that when she is gone for weeks on end without telling anyone, you can go visit your dad then.
I think maybe it's time to talk to your dad again, to clear things up. Your sister, as a licensed psychologist, could be very helpful.
A
female
reader, Molly9945 +, writes (16 May 2012):
Molly9945 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAnd it does go against the order which says I am allowed to visit either parent whenever I please and neither parent can deny me that right nor can either parent force me to live with them. It is all on my terms because of past abuse issues. I know it says nothing about girlfriends or boyfriends but he is basically denying me that right by saying it for her(she didn't tell me directly she told my dad to tell me :P)
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A
female
reader, Molly9945 +, writes (16 May 2012):
Molly9945 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI like that idea eyeswideopen, sadly I was not around when she said she was my momConfused- I try not to take it out on her, I always attempt be be civil but then she'll do something to make me a bad guy, and I get confused nd frustrated. Once she started crying because I had to go out of the room for a brief minute to do something, and I asked my dad and grandma what was wrong and my grandma yelled at me for being so mean to her and my dad said he didn't know what I did but I should be nicer to her. To this day I don't know what I did and when I asked her she simply yelled at me for disrespecting her and told me she wishes I was as good as her (grown) daughters.Anon- I just wish I could be civil with her. I try so hard for my dads sake cause I love him, but everytime she does something like cries or leaves for weeks on end without answering anyone's phone calls and then when she returns says its my fault. It's so hard. I just want my dad to be happy but I don't know why it's her she wants and why he always defends her when everyone tells him I didn't do anything.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (15 May 2012):
 Next time she introduces herself as your mother, correct her. That should cause her enough embarrassment to never do it again.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (15 May 2012):
 Well the truth is you can’t file with the court as YOUR DAD is allowing her to make the rules in his home (which is her home too). If your dad can’t or won’t stand up to her, the truth is that your beef needs to be with your dad and not his partner. He’s being a wuss about it with her. That must make you very angry and you don’t’ want to be angry with dad so you take it out on her.
If, however, she emotionally abused you I can see why you don’t want to have a relationship with her.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2012): I suggest talking to your father, not his girlfriend.
You have every right to object to your father's girlfriend passing herself off as something's she's not; this woman is a legal stranger to you (meaning there is no relationship by blood, marriage or adoption), and you are under absolutely zero obligation to form any type of relationship, attachment or bond with her just because she happens to be shacking up with your father at the moment. She's HIS girlfriend, not your acquaintance, and you are not required to like her (or pretend to do so) anymore than your father is required to like any of your friends.
Must respectfully disagree with grymsoul's statement "his new woman deserves respect without being held for a sin that she didn't commit." Regardless of when your father's girlfriend came into the picture, she does not "deserve" your respect, especially when she publicly disrespected you by ignoring your stated request that you don't want her acting as a parent on the very reasonable grounds that she is not. Respect must be earned, and those who don't show it to others can't expect to earn it from them in return. Your father's girlfriend's behavior was presumptuous at best and downright rude and inconsiderate at worst.
Make your feelings known to your father, politely but firmly. How would he like it if a boyfriend of yours whom he didn't like started calling him "Dad?" Exact same dynamic.
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A
male
reader, grymsoul +, writes (15 May 2012):
 Correction "The daughter of my BOYFRIEND'S ex wife"
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A
female
reader, Molly9945 +, writes (15 May 2012):
Molly9945 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'm sorry I sounded irrational. When she first was going out with my dad I accepted that but we all agreed early on she wasn't my parent or authority figure and her and my dad where fine with that. It was all good for a while but then she started parenting me and moved in. After a couple months she started abusing me emotionally and I didn't know until my sister witnessed it and told me(she is a psychologist) and my dad but my dad did nothing to stop it. Later I moved in with my mom because I couldn't stand it and politely told him I will tolerate her and be friendly when I see her but don't want to be around her much or associated with me as family.
Then after that she forbid me from coming over without her invitation, which goes against court orders. It makes me cry a lot cause I love my dad and I can only see him on her terms or when I can sneak over and she's not there. I hate it but I don't know how to file with a court or whatever.
Anyways that's our relationship. I hope it makes more sense why I don't want her to call herself my mom.
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A
male
reader, grymsoul +, writes (15 May 2012):
Cut her some slack will you. She's trying to appeal to both you and your dad by showing that she can think of you as a daughter. She doesn't want people to feel like she resents you. I know my step-mom slipped up one time and told my teacher that she was my mother. She instantly corrected herself and said stepmom. I could tell that she wanted to think of me as her son mainly because she had no children of her own. I still had my real mother so I didn't agree on calling her mom so I let her know that I didn't mind her saying she was my mother every once in a while. She always treated me like her own son and I figured I might as well warm up to the idea of her being my dad's next wife.
I know it may feel weird but it's not that big of a deal, really. Plus, she may have done it by accident. Or she didn't want to feel bad for saying "The daughter of my husband's ex-wife." Saying it like that is way more offensive in my opinion. She probably figured saying she was your mother would be more polite. I'm pretty sure she had no malicious reasons behind it.
Also, why do you dislike her so much? Is it because your dad left and she's the new woman? Give her a break. I don't know the whole story but more than likey she doesn't want to be the subject of your resentment. Also if you have shown such a distaste to her before then it makes her even more noble to try and close the umcomfortable gap you have put up. Whatever happened to your mom and your dad is between them. This new woman deserves respect without being held for a sin that she didn't commit. If she's anything like my step mom, then she didn't have anything to do with the breakup. she just fell in love with a man that happened to be my father, two years after he and my mom split.
I was mature enough, at age 12, to decided that she wasn't all bad. I think you should try and get to know her better and find out exactly why she's trying to be accepted by you.
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