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female
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*ady85
writes: I'd like some straight talking advice please! Sorry it's long...I met a man 2 years ago , we went on a date ended up kissing...but then since that date we've not really mentioned the kissing and have become really good friends.Recently he's been very flirty with me sending me suggestive texts, we're both single , both like each other very much, (but don't get to see each other often as he lives back at home and I'm a student in university down here....)I plucked up the courage to ask him if he likes me as more than a friend...his reply was ,'if we become more than friends, you'll end up hating me within a year. I know it sounds daft but it usually happens. I'd rather things stay good between us.'Do you reckon it's a nice way of saying he doesn't like me in that way?I don't hate anything about him, sure there are things about him which may annoy me but thats part of why I like him so much , I could never imagine hating him...i've never felt like this about anyone... I feel so selfish because I don't think I could 'just be friends' with him anymore....he has plently of female friends other than me...whom I don't mind about and wouldn't if we were together as I trust him....but if he ever had a girlfriend whilst I was just a friend, I'd be so jealous. I've tried asking him why he thinks I'd hate him , he seems to be comparing me to his ex's whom I've never known... The annoying thing is he is someone whom I would turn to for advice over something like this... Another friend suggested he had a self esteem problem, how can I assure him I wouldn't hate him without seeming obsessed...Am I being unreasonable? I really don't want to lose him...I've never been in love with someone but I think I've fallen in love with him.What would you do in a similar situation?Do people flirt and kiss people they don't fancy.... I could never do that... Thanks...
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reader, pops +, writes (24 October 2005):
Its sounds like you know yourself fairly well, and trust your own judgement. Why don't you text him back and ask him to let you be the best judge of how you feel and will feel. Then ask him why he thinks you will be like someone else he has known in the past. Yes, he does seem to have self esteem issues, and probably has been hurt by someone in the past. Possibly more than one person. Ask him to talk to you about that, too. If he is seriously disturbed( its holding onto him and controlling his life) ask him to get professional help, so that he can heal from those wounds before the two of you get more serious. But, if you know all this about him, and still think he is the best thing since sliced bread and butter, go for it, girl!
A
female
reader, not again +, writes (24 October 2005):
you know what, you're lucky this guy is so honest!! he obviously does really value you as friend. He probably knows that he WOULD start acting like a c*nt to you, cos obviously that is what he has done in the past.
Also, I think it is important to be aware that if he REALLY REALLY liked you, then he would be willing to give it a go with you, and he would try and change. I don't mean this to sound harsh, and hey- I'm sure he really likes you, but i think that if he was REALLY into you and could see a future then he would try and change?
Also, I was kinda with this guy who I was sooooo attracted with, and I know he was attracted to me. We had kissed once, a couple of months before we started hanging out. Anyway, we would spend heaps of time togther and there was this unbelievable chemistry but nothing would ever happen, and when I asked him about it he said that he just really liked the flirting, and didnt think we should take it any further cos he thought he would hurt me. I was like- you wont hurt me, but still nothing happened and we're back to being friends. Its hard aye? I know what it's like. And it's way more confusing cos you think that guys are up for it, ay? Ah well. Hope it all works out for- with him or more prefferably a cooler guy.
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