A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I'm particularly interested in hearing responses from straight women in their 30s and 40s on this one.I appear to have a problem with women, and without being immodest, it seems that I'm too 'nice' and I don't have 'the edge'. The N word has become the bane of my existence.I've had comments along the lines of "oh, you're so nice and easy to talk to, not like a lot of other guys" for what feels like forever, but I never seem to get the girl.I wouldn't regard myself as a SNAG, I'm just me; I swear, drink (even get drunk on occasion), watch sport, cycle,swim, enjoy books, movies,etc. all the normal stuffWomen say they want a nice guy, but it actually appears that they want a guy with 'an edge' - I asked a female friend to tell me what it is. We seemed to agree that it's a slightly dangerous (but controlled) energy that some guys have. She says it is attractive, and has nothing to do with looks, or the social status of the guy - she described it as alomst primal.So,anyone else have thoughts on the 'edge' and how I might get it, or is it something that can't be learnt?Right now, all I get is to be the 'nice' guy who does the talking and effectively gives emotional support, whilst the 'edgy' guys are out having all the fun.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2009): Nice guy = no sex and no fun
Is this what you want? You don't have to go out of your way to be a jerk to girls. Just stop slinking around kissing a$$es and playing the fool.
Lets be honest.
Women are attracted to physical appearance (height, tight body, nice face, good hair) and personality (outgoing, confident, witty, kind) just like guys. If you don't have these qualities you are going to have a problem getting lots of candidates. Period. Sorry. Unless of course you are rich or have a prestigious job that makes you famous or powerful, in which case please disregard the aforementioned axiom.
In addition, women tend to prefer men who do not appear weak and who are somewhat masculine. Putting on the "nice guy" BS routine is probably not doing you any favors as you probably come off as being flimsy, weak, effeminate, or unsure. None of the above is going to help you, my friend. If a girl wants a friend type, she'll find plenty of other girls to fill this roll. Why not leave her to have her little girl friends and differentiate yourself from these for the man that you are by acting like the real deal for her.
So...
Go for it! Don't hesitate. Hesitate = weak = you lose.
Girls expect to just wait around on their a$$es for you to approach them. This is the usual routine.
Now for four simple rules to conquest:
1. Approach. Do not hesitate.
2. Don't make up BullSh#t. Don't lie. She probably will detect you and then you fail. Better go with who you are, what you do, etc, don't puff yourself up. Don't put yourself down either. Tell her what you want with her straight on. Be sure about yourself.
3. Follow through. Did you say you would call? Do it dummy, and don't be late. Don't make up BS excuses if you couldn't. Set up a romantic date with just the two of you. Do I have to tell you what that means? I hope not.
4. If she blows you off or shows disinterest, drop her fast. Could you still get her if you kept on with her, bugging and bugging like a persistent little moron. Yes. Maybe. But why would you want to? Get out there and find the one by hitting up many for dates.
If you keep going you are going to always be the friend, so just drop the nice guy act and get aggressive. This has worked for me and for many other guys I know who are now long married or have girlfriends (girls don't allow guys like this to remain single for long.)
A
female
reader, Rose_red_09  +, writes (2 October 2009):
Well - I have been told that I like guys that are edgy :-)
All I can conclude on my friends observations is that I like a guy who is a little 'rock n roll'. Now that doesn't mean that I like bad behaviour or to be treated with direspect and that I don't like a little romance - it just means I love being with someone who is spontanious and hedonistic - who just wants to do things on the spur of the moment. I like to feel that there is some grounding but there is alot of room to just get a little crazy sometimes! You see - guys that love there routine and just want an easy life - well of course they are perfect for some - just not for me.
BUT you sound like a great guy and as they say - be true to yourself. The right gal really will want you for you.
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A
male
reader, Illithid  +, writes (2 October 2009):
 "At 37 years of age, I can tell you that I have no interest in dangerous, edgy men; I had enough of those in my twenties!"
That's great news for this poster, in his late 30's, but I'm still in MY twenties and hoping to find a girl that doesn't need to get burnt out on jerks before letting herself settle for a nicer guy like me.
But fortunately, there ARE women that NEVER wanted jerks and will be thrilled to have a guy that can cry after a sad movie, or can remember their birthdays, or actually care how they feel and not just treat them like sex objects. And I'm going to find one of those girls. And our poster will find one. We just have to keep looking.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2009): At 37 years of age, I can tell you that I have no interest in dangerous, edgy men; I had enough of those in my twenties! What I do want is a man who is confident, independent and knows his own mind. I find that men who end up in the 'nice' category are there because they are so anxious to be liked and loved that they do things for other people to gain acceptance and attention. They wear their insecurity on their sleeves and tend to be clingy in relationships, don't express their needs, and go overboard with affection (nobody wants to be smothered).
You don't need to become a heartless bastard to attract a woman, you just have to like yourself.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2009): I'm a woman who has always liked and been attracted to sensitive men. It's a locker room myth among men that women only like edgy guys. Agree with the earlier respondent who said that women saying guys are 'nice' is often just a way women deal with the awkwardness of having to reject guys for other reasons. It's all chemistry between people really, I just think you haven't met the woman for you yet, keep searching! :)
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A
male
reader, Illithid +, writes (2 October 2009):
I'm here for ya, buddy. We're in that Nice Guys club together, and I just lost my fiancée for reasons she refused to explain. But I'm getting out there again, going on a date that I found on a website. Will it work out? Who knows, but I'm going to keep trying, partially thanks to encouragement from members on this site.
Hang in there, because we'll both find nice girls sooner or later too.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2009): I tell a guy he's nice when I'm not interested in him. Just a polite way of getting rid of him (sorry).
With regards to the egde
* someone who will take risks
* knows what he wants
* isn't a YES man (they annoy me)
* who doesn't want to spend ALL his time with me, got a life of his own
* flirts (not all will agree with this)
I've been told I go for Alpha Males, I guess these types are the ones with the edge.
Hope this helps.
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