A
female
age
51-59,
*eachgirl151
writes:My boyfriend of 3years. Experienced "Swinging" with his former spouse. Now he wants me to experience the lifestyle..saying I'll love it... Its really not something I have ever even thought about. Really doesn't interest me... But I suppose my question is why would he want so badly to sleep with other women, even nasty ones? When he has me and I know I am beautiful. I don't understand his thoughts? Help need advice. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, RonBonJovi +, writes (13 August 2017):
If you want him to put a sock in it, you might consider taking him up on it. I know you say you aren't interested, but hear me out.
From what I hear, guys are a dime a dozen in the world of swinger sex. There are too many of them, and unless they have something really special going on, they are the object of nobody's desire. On the other hand, girls (especially new girls) get tons of attention from men and women alike. So if you went to one of these things, he'll automatically start getting jealous. Maybe he'll be proud at first, but it'll wear on him.
But more importantly, you have the physical capability to keep having sex over a long period of time, and he does not. Once he does his thing, he's done. Think how frustrated he would be.
If you look into it, you'll find the majority of couples trying out the swinger lifestyle do so behind the impetus of the male. Once activity commences, however, things do an abrupt 180 and the men become apprehensive or spiteful.
I'm not saying that you should go because you'll have fun, but think of all the times you've been in the heat of passion and your man is suddenly useless. And think of all the times you've put effort in trying to look nice or pique his interest, only to have him want to play video games or fart around on the computer. None of those kinds of things would happen if you were to accept his invitation. I'm not a sexual deviant, but if I were you, I'd at least consider it.
A
male
reader, Riot2017  +, writes (7 August 2017):
You husband wants a way for him to cheat you with your permission.
He likes the thrill of having sex with multiple woman, even if they are not as beautiful as you.
I don't think you should allow that if you are not into it and if you are in a committed relationship.
Marriage is about trust and exclusiveness.
If he wants to cheat you all of the time, then he is better off being single, in that way he is free to do what he pleases.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (7 August 2017):
 I have absolutely no idea why he wants to do it as, like you, this has NEVER appealed to me. To me, sex is something special between two people, in private, without involvement from any other parties. Within those parameters, as long as both parties are consenting adults, then anything goes. Whatever floats your boat, as they say, as long as both parties are on board and nobody is being pressurised into doing anything they don't feel comfortable doing.
He is pressurising you into giving this a go. He does not KNOW you will love it. He WANTS you to love it because it is something HE wants to be involved in again. If your gut instinct tells you you will not enjoy this, please listen. You will only end up disgusted with yourself for being talked into being passed around like a lump of meat for someone else's pleasure. If YOU fancied giving it a go, that would be different, and you would feel "in control" because it would be your choice.
Perhaps suggest other ways of spicing up your sex life? Many couples find roll play good for their relationship. You could even pretend to be strangers, meeting at a swinging party.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2017): Here we go folks! We're at that magic number in relationships. Between 3 to 5 years! The scary phase!
So you want to know why?
Because it gives him access to a variety of women, defies common traditions, it is to indulge his voyeuristic pleasures, it's an ego-boost, and it's a major dose of narcissistic-supply! He has a humongous ego! Too much is not enough! That includes you!
I gather maybe that's how you two met? Did he leave his ex for you?
So he gets to tell you what you'd like, huh? Seems he's used to having his way. Odd he's waited three years before deciding to travel down that road again? I guess he's getting restless with just one woman.
You have to troll for partners on websites and invite strangers into your home; or let unfamiliar men touch you intimately; who only see you as a sex-object or plaything.
Why would you commit to a man with such a history; then wonder why he hasn't changed?
News flash! Being beautiful doesn't render men blind to other women, or make him change his ways. It doesn't make him want to be exclusive. That's what love, commitment, and monogamy is supposed to do. He's bored. Living in a monogamous relationship has taken him out of his element.
A narcissist would be totally oblivious to how anything they want could hurt someone else. They just wouldn't care, and as far as they're concerned; nothing matters more than what makes them happy. The fact he is no longer with his former wife should have been a warning. Swinging was so much fun that she chose to be without him. Perhaps that's his objective. Time to recruit for your replacement.
Well, you know what his thing is. You have the option to pretend it's okay and go along with it until it drives you to another man; or you can kick his sex-addicted ass to the curb!
What will it be, sweetheart? You can do better. And that's the understatement of the year!!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2017): If he wants to sample Ginger, Nutmeg and All Spice, then he should not COMMIT himself to Cinammon.
The End.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (7 August 2017):
 Imagine having your favourite food for breakfast, lunch and dinner, every day for the rest of your life. Or at least the next several years.
No other food, just that one meal. Over and over and over again.
That's kind of like what women are for him.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (6 August 2017):
 WHY?
Because this isn't about you. Or how pretty you are.
This is about him and what HE wants. Whether you want it or not doesn't matter to him.
To say that you will LOVE swinging is (to put it mildly) ridiculous. Some people DO enjoy doing that with their partner but that is when it's something BOTH partners want and desire. You say it's not something you have thought about doing or are interested in.
So I say stick to your guns if you don't want to watch him have sex with other women, you having sex with other men or swapping partners, whatever HE has in mind - you need to BE honest and BLUNT with him. If you don't want to, then DO NOT do it to please and appease him.
He did it with his former spouse. It might BE part of the reason he is no longer MARRIED to her. Maybe SHE didn't love it either.
Have you ASKED him point blank WHY? If you haven't, then why not?
My question to you, WHY do you want to be with a man who wants to fuck other people?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2017): Then show him what he will lose with his foolish wants and desires .. if your living together move out or have him move out .. this may be who he is .. maybe sweetie he can't or doesn't want to have just one women . This lifestyle is not for everyone, certainly wouldn't be mine .. but I wouldn't judge those who do or have )
If you wish to be the only one then I think you need to readdress who your with .. maybe it's a blessing you've discovered that the now as certainly you don't match . He has the decision to be solely with you as well or look for someone who is willing to be in this style of life style .
Take care sweetie
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2017): I don't get it either. My boyfriend and I have been together 4 years and I am not only beautiful but way younger than him! I worry all the time he wants something new or strange while still keeping me. Of course it won't work that way
Cause I won't allow it. Period. He never asks or suggests anything of the sort but I do worry cause he's had quite the sexual past. Unlike me. And his best buddy was a former swinger too! My boyfriend said former but who knows? My boyfriend says he's never done it but who knows? So I worry his friend will lead him down that path. Or has?
It sucks a lot when your partner does not feel like you are enough even though you are confident and secure in yourself and have high self esteem. And most guys would kill to take his place.
For me, if my BF suggested this, I would definitely have no choice but to end the relationship. We would be on two totally different pages. And I would always worry he would go do it behind my back if I said no. I find swinging disgusting and I would never and could never do it. Anyone who says it brings couples together is full of shit. There cannot be any true love between people who fuck others in the presence of their partner.
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