A
female
age
41-50,
*soc
writes:I have met this guy and I really liked him (because there's no reason not to like him) but from the very start, he made it clear that he doesn't want a relationship right now and that he is being friends with me and nothing more. But most of the time, he confesses he likes me, too. One day, he came asking me if I can be his Special Friend. And when I asked him, what is a Special Friend to him, he answered, "it is sharing a mutual closeness with each other but not in the level of girlfriend-boyfriend relationship.. it has no commitments but the bond is there." And because he is a very likable person, I agreed to the friendship thing that he proposed.And since I clearly understood our terms, I am not thinking that we would go up to another level. I am not hoping at all that he will be my 'boyfriend' at anytime now bcoz I already fixed in my mind what's going on between us. And we are both enjoying our times together.My question is, why would he want this set-up? When I could be his girl and everything would be almost the same? Or maybe he's scared of commitments? He's single, fyi. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, xanthic  +, writes (4 July 2010):
 He clearly wants to be friends with benefits, and nothing more. Tisha and oldersister are absolutely right, he's trying to make being 'special friends' seem to be more than what it really is, because he knows you'd say no to the bare truth. He only wants the perks of a relationship without having to commit to you or be monogamous.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (4 July 2010):
 He doesn't want the full commitment but he wants you off the market for other men. He's selfish, basically. By engaging you in this "special friendship" (does it include sex, that isn't entirely clear here, what are "special times"?) he has effectively blocked you from dating other men. So he's free to reach into the dating pool and see other women by saying "no commitments" to you but he knows full well that because you are emotionally tied to him, you're not going to date other men. It's a win-lose situation, and guess who is on the losing side?
Smile, and stick to regular friends or boyfriend/girlfriend situations. You're going to wind up unhappy otherwise.
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