A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have found the love of my life! I imagine us growing old together and still crazy about each other. The ONLY thing that worries me is that when he is upset at me, he doesn't want to talk to me and says things like he is not so sure about us. But then he says that when he is that way, he says things he doesn't mean and that he knows in his heart we can overcome anything together. This is very rare as we get along pretty much all the time. It happens the most when he feels misunderstood and hurt. We make always make up and everything will be fine. But everytime he shuts me out, those few days are torture! He realizes its a fault and I see him working on it. And other than that, he is so kind and considerate! But I still hate when it happens. When he's upset, I am too and I feel like my feelings get pushed aside because of his!Is this something that's really bad? Or just the way he processes being upset? Why would he say things he doesn't mean? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2009): I think that the only reason that hes not sure about you and him is because hes in the heat of the moment.Just like when you get upset and you say things that hurt other peoples feelings.You dont realize it until after you said it and then you try to come and apoligize.I think that the problem is that he says that because he doesnt really want to work out the problems in your relationship.He is just saying that there is a easier way then to stick it out and then try and get down to the roots of were all of the problems are starting.But then again you have to look at yourself and ask yourself why are we having so many problems.Then think about what have I done wrong in this relationship that may have caused problems.And then you should ask yourself is there something that I can fix about myself to help make this relationship better.Just take a good lokk at yourself and then take a goodlook at him.Is he the right one for you?Or are you saying that hes the right one because he buys you things and treats you good in front of other people?Does he treat you good at home when no ones there but you two?I think that if he keeps saying that he doesnt know about "us" then rethink is he really the right one for you?Now its your turn to decide if he the right one for you!!!!!
A
female
reader, kaylagal +, writes (18 March 2009):
 Yes it's bad, he is verbally abusive. I'm sure when Chris Brown apologized to Rihanna, he too, said he didn't mean to beat her up and leave her for dead.
Verbal, emotional, physical abuse is the same. There is no excuse it for it.
How do you know that he doesn't mean what he says, if he didn't mean it, he wouldn't say it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2009): It sounds like he is a sulker if it takes that many days after and argument for him to come around....how long have you two been a couple?
Men sometimes have to go away and be by themselves to think, or even right when you are talking to them, if you don't get a great response right away, leave him to himself and he will get back to you, he is just thinking....men don't swim as well as we women do in the emotional realm. Where we might have 200 words to describe a feeling, he may only have 4, but that is why he needs us for an emotional life, so try not to complain and criticize him but work on being feeling with him, use I statements and tell him how you feel, but then lean back and let him do the rest.....it will make him feel closer to you....don't chase after him when he pulls away.
If you aren't comfortable with the days off he takes to get back to you, then tell him you feel sort of abandoned and unsure if he is coming back to talk to you and ask him what he wants you to do about that? Say you'd like to be able to get some emotional closure on the issue right away whether you agree or not you can always agree to disagree but you remain emotionally close and ok whatever the outcome. It is a myth that issues have to be resolved, about 90% of them are unresolvable, but that is OK as long as you come to an emotional closure about those issues.
Hope this helped.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2009): If you are really in love with him, you need to make him listen to you. If he's upset with you, tell him you're sorry and you hope he will forgive you. When my boyfriend is mad at me, or me mad at him, we always talk it out. Usually, everything works out by the next day. Conversation is key.
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