A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone, just looking for a bit of advice, male perspective might be good on this one too! I'm really struggling to get over my ex. We broke up six months ago but were friends first and shared a flat before having a relationship, though we were always close. I initiated us dating, though he had hinted about it too. We'd both been single for years though he had a hard time getting over his ex, whereas m relationship ran its course for me. Anyway, at first he said he thought he'd be too busy for a relationship (he had a new job. I said it was fine but we had to just be friends and nothing more, no hints or anything. A few days later he admitted he felt he was making a mistake and was just scared. We agreed to date, and to start it was lovely. But almost straight away he was holding back a bit and so was I. We talked and we both admitted we were terrified it would go wrong. Things were fine for a while but when we lived separately we didn't see mch of each other. I tried not to show but I missed seeing him all the time. I didn't wanna be clingy so I never initiated seeing him. He then started saying that he didn't want to lose me as a friend and alarm bells rang. I admitted i wasn't entirely happy and he said he wasn't feeling the beginning relationship feeling he should. We called it a day and he started a relationship almost immediately with someone else. They have been together nearly 5 months. I feel devastated. Obviously the full story hasn't come across on here, but I don't understand why he wanted to go for it so much with me, then held back, then started up a relationship with someone else straight away. I still feel awful about it. Myself or our friend don't see him and I miss him despite how much he has hurt me. I just want to know why you think he would pursue our relationship then do that before we even got started properly. People alwways tell me im nice but I feel horrible :( When we were breaking up, it didn't feel like it was the end, i don't feel iv had closure despite this realtionship. His actions said one thing while he said another. I just need some insight. I don't feel like i'll ever completely get over this and I'm 24!!!
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female
reader, Latti  +, writes (2 May 2012):
My heart goes out to you, but here is the reality. It does not sound like he was ready to be in a relationship with you. He hinted it many times, but you kinda insisted that he give it a go. He was unsure of a relationship with you because 1. He was not over his ex totally and 2. He was still kinda looking around for someone else.
I know its not what you want to hear and it really has nothing to do with you. I'm sure your awesome, but you ignored the signs that he sent about not being ready to be in a relationship with you.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2012): I think he had that other relationship budding at the same time that you and him started. You said it was you who initiated the dating relationship, not him. So at that point in time his other relationship may not have bloomed yet so he might have thought, regarding you, well why not. Then when you and him started maybe that's when things with his other relationship started picking up too and he preferred that which is why he then started holding back from you and then ended it with you.At the end of the day, I dont' think he did anything wrong. He didnt' cheat on you because he had the decency to break up with you. At the time when you and him first started dating, he could have sincerely been into trying that. But, things change. New situations develop that change the landscape of other situations. it's not wrong for his feelings to have changed, it's not like he was lying to you all along, things simply changed along the way. it will be OK, these things happen all the time. it's not the end of the world.
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