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female
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*azedandconfused
writes: My fiance and I have been together for 7 months and he recently informed me he went snooping in my past and asked people at work who all I dated from there. He promised this other person he would not tell me who told. I feel betrayed because he has broken more than one promise to me but he refuses to for this other person. I honestly don't care who it is and what was said; I just feel like he's putting this other person ahead of us. He's willing to lose what we have to protect this person. He has seen how bad this is hurting me and still will not open up to me. I guess my question is, am I wrong for feeling like he's not only betraying me but also willing to hurt me to protect someone else? Aren't I suppose to be the one that he protects and supports? I'm ready to end the relationship because of these feelings, can anyone help!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2005): Sounds like there was "nobody" he talked to, otherwise he would've told you by now. I agree, I think he's playing games with you...little petty immature games and he has to learn to trust you much more. He's pretty insecure...think you need that kind of guy in your life who does this sort of selfish thing?
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2005): What I would like to know is WHY did he feel he had to go snooping in your past life. Frankly, it none of his dang business! It doesn't matter who you dated...the past is the past. What is most important is the here and now..love and caring...the hopes & dreams you share with him in building a future together. Stop worrying about WHO he talked to...it doesn't matter because you have nothing to hide. I think he needs to grow up and start trusting you. He needs to learn to be a more mature, honorable man and treat you with respect. Tell him you don't care who told him and better yet, tell him you don't care what was said. Telling him this will ease the anxiety you feel and it will burst his bubble. Seems he likes to see you squirm...he's playing a immature head game with you.
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female
reader, curlz +, writes (18 July 2005):
You are by no means wrong in feeling this way.
A commitment to a relationship is a way of saying "I care for you above everyone else in my life", so it's completely natural to feel insecure when it seems that your partener is putting someone else before you.
The only way to appease your feelings is to communicate with your partener. He may be aware that this situation is hurting you, but he might not know why. I advise you to tell him exactly why this conflict is making you upset. It is even a good Idea to show him this question, so that he can impartially view exactly how you feel.
I would also advise you to consider if there are other issues in your relationship (such as his previous broken promises to you), and if they can be linked with your feelings in this situation. If there are other areas of instability in your relationship, it can be hard to put conflicts like these into the right context.
My final piece of advice to you is to think about how much you think that this arguement should mean to you, compared to how much it actually means to you. Do you think you're being irrational? After all, there is no way to convince your partener of any point of arguement if you are not fully convinced of it yourself.
I hope everything works out well for you x x x
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reader, becky05 +, writes (18 July 2005):
He shouldnt have snooped.
Did he find out anything untoward? probably not.
Possibly, there was no 'person' who told him things and this is why he cant name them.
I would make it clear to him he need s to trust you and not snoop in your past again.
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