A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am 22 and I have been married to my boy friend for 5 months now, we loved for almost 1 year and got married, but from the day of my wedding he is not normal, he is not interested in me any more, he doesn't care, doesn't share anything, not interested in sex nor will allow me to seduce him. We didn't have sex premarriage and post marriage I don't see him interested in sex nor in me. I am finding hard to believe him changed like this immediately after marriage. What would be the reason????
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2011): This happened to me.
it lasted a few years but ultimately ended.
Not saying this is it in your case, but mine had been using being married to me to pick up women (adult smutty sites).
Best advice I can give here is that if something isn't right, See a counsellor right away!!
If he refuses to go LEAVE
Don't waste valuable years waiting for change, it wont happen. Get pro active. Good luck, and remember there is always much better waitng out there if your not happy
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2011): Could he be gay and have tried to hide it behind a marriage?
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A
female
reader, Abella  +, writes (31 May 2011):
 After all the preparations for the wedding, all the expense, all the things that 'have to be done' that can result in a feeling of being 'let down' after the wedding. It can even be the reason why some people pace themselves, an delay the honeymoon so that they have a holiday a little later, when they are settled into the new home. When there is time to plan and look forward to. Rather than put the wedding right before the big honeymoon.So I think he is feeling a little let down and over-whelmed at the moment. And perhaps wondering what is the right thing to do and he's learning as he goes. He just needs some support and confidence boosts to confirm that he is in every way 'the man for you'Treating others without Judgement builds trust. Focus on what he does do well. And praise him to the heavens. If you have to sit there quietly seductively doing your pedicure, and he interupts it then let him interupt it. Even if you get polish all over the sheets, what does it matter. It is important that you both have fun together. The wedding is such a big day. You are the stars. After that amazing day it can seem like the bubble has burst. And that let down feeling can make one or both of you feeling a little sad. Think about it, one minute you are single, then you have the huge wedding build up, then the wedding day and then the big holiday and often a change to where you are living as well. It all adds so much stress. and can be so expensive with so many decisions to make.Once you are married the real work starts.You have things to work out (some of which should have ben worked out earlier) and ajustments to make. Like budgets, how much to spend on things. Someone else to consult, where previously you could largely please yourself. And Mom is not there to pick up after you. Suddenly you have to decide who will do what and keep it fair. Together you have to 'get real' together. He gets to see just how long it really takes to look as beautiful as you usually do.And there can be 'let downs'. Don't even want to know what my first husband was getting at when we were first married, but he was disappointed that none of my night attire was risque. Please, it was winter. He had visions that all my night wear would be see through. Don't know where he's seen that? (she smiles) I had glorious embroidered things, but see through? Whistle Dixie. I told him to buy what he wanted me to wear and I would consider it. He chose this hideous pink see through thing that even he conceded was a bit OTT. I wore it a few times and he told me in the end he preferred my nicer things. It could have caused us a problem, but we laughed about it later. I pointed out that he had not worn anything see through for me (more smiles)There is nothing wrong with seeking some post wedding counselling to just get things in perspective and get on track with each other. Don't feel it would be wrong to seek help. I mean if the pipes in the bathroom are acting up you get a plumber. If the car will not work right you get a mechanic to check it out. A counsellor is just there to help you get another opinion and help tweak any little issues until all is plain sailing again. Maybe think about a few outings pr activities you can schedule when you are together. Plan a family welcoming function and ask each family member to bring something nice to share so that you do not end up getting stressed cooking the night before. Put some balloons around the room and share your wedding photos or at least a few COPIES put up on a board for everyone to see. Put the actual wedding albumn away somewhere safe so nothing is spilt on it. Schedule it for a Saturday afternoon so many people can attend. Thank everyone for giving you a wonderful day.Listen carefully to anything he tells you. Men give clues about how they are feeling and thinking, with the tiniest of subtle clues, sometimes. He may even be hesitant to raise the issues that concern him. Make him feel comfortable. Listen carefully and be responsive to those clues.And delight and surprise him. I hope he will do the same for you. I have a little book. I write down the smallest thing that is something he likes. And then I use that information to make a present train. It must not cost a lot. The whole point is to find small items that reflect that I have been listening to anything he has been saying. But each little gift (wrapped) sits in each wagon on the little toy train that I found in a garage sale. I don't really care if the rest of the world thinks it is corny. It works for me, so I do it. It may be a small thing he has mentioned he likes. Or a small thing I know he would find fun. It just shows I care, and that I really do listen.Sit down and talk to each other about things you would like to do together. Make a special meal for him. Let him know how attractive you find him as a man. He may be feeling over-whelmed at the moment.And find the time to surprise him with little treats, like a peck on the cheek when he is just eating the evening meal. And maybe try a few things he has not come to expect. http://www.dearcupid.org/question/spicing-up-your-sex-life.htmlAfter all you are married now. This is your time to discover each other.I wish you both much happinessand my Best wishes to you both
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A
female
reader, Jac2b55  +, writes (31 May 2011):
 My question to you is, why did you marry this man if you cannot talk to him about these kind of things?
Sit him down over a cuppa or a nice meal, tell him you care for him and want to show it....
There could be a million reasons why he is treating you this way, the only way you are really going to find out is from him!
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