A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I caught my BF in a lie about his contact with his ex-GF. He says he told her not to call, email or txt and that he hasn't heard from her in months. I talked to his sister and she told me he told her the ex had been bugging him to meet and have lunch with her and that he'd been ignoring her calls and emails. Should I be worried he lied about her still trying to see him?? Im worried and concerned, he's not the kind of guy to lie, he's a very honest man but he knows I get upset about his ex who would still love to be his FWB if he wanted. She has no respect for our relationship as far as I can tell. They lived together for 17 years, then FWB for 2 yrs after that. What would you do we've been together over 2 yrs.
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male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (23 December 2012):
 His "lie" was one of OMMISSION (not telling you about the attempts by the ex- to get to see/spend time with him...).
He KNOWS that you get upset about such matters.... and he also knows that he kept up his part of the bargain (to NOT have contact with, or spend time with, her).
I think he's entitled to a "Pass", under the circumstances. In fact, you actually could consider to tell him what you learned (from his tattly Sister!).... and tell him that you appreciate his honesty, and that you understand why he kept the ex's attempts to contact him out of the discussion, in deference to your angst about that ex-....
Good luck...
A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (23 December 2012):
 Your boyfriend kept this from you because, as you've said yourself, you get upset about his ex. He's been ignoring her calls and has shown no interest in having anything to do with her, so it doesn't sound to me as though he's really done anything wrong.
People write in all the time asking us if we think they should inform their current girlfriend or boyfriend about any attempts their exes have made to contact them, even if they've been ignored. And you know what? They're often advised to say nothing and just continue ignoring the ex. So it would be unfair to nail your boyfriend to the wall for doing exactly what others have been advised to do.
He doesn't deserve your anger, in my opinion. You can keep a lazy eye on the situation, trust that your boyfriend will bring you any news if there is any, or you could casually let him know what you know and assure him that he can feel free to tell you without worrying that you'll be upset. If you go this route, then remember that will require hearing about and thinking about someone who already gets under your skin. Is that really what you want?
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A
female
reader, [?]BitterSweetFinale;[?] +, writes (23 December 2012):
![[?]BitterSweetFinale;[?] agony aunt](/avatars/7bb1e9ea-6c2f-43b8-a4f7-0635b7eff08c.png) It seems pretty mysterious... You know, this isn't the first time I've heard about something like this. But not sure, if he had no reason to lie about contacting her if she was bothering him, then why would he? Maybe he was trying to hide something with his sister because she'd tell you about it and so he didn't want to make a scene. Not sure, I'd just be more cautious of the whole thing and if she keeps contacting him then obviously he never told her to stop. Keep a look out, just don't seem too clingy.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (23 December 2012):
He lied to protect you. Total honesty doesn't always make a lot of sense and in this case I don't think he was deceiving you as much as he was protecting you from the truth.
I've been in the same situation before.
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