A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:To everyone else we are perfect for each other. Photos of us together are all over her facebook. She`s forever announcing to the world how much in love she is, and she tells me that all the time. There`s also another side to this. Her secret dating sites and e-mail accounts, hidden mobile phones,and worse of all, learning she has had at least two drunk one night stands. She has also been very jealous, demanding, controlling and aggressive with me. It has always been useless asking her anything because I always end up listening to what a failure I am, how no one else will ever want me or told I neglect her.I thought things had started to improve, but yesterday I found another hidden mobile phone again, which is code locked.I have left her in the past and listened to so much of her lies, bull shit and her broken promises now, it means nothing anymore. I have tried my best to be what she wants me to be, but something about me is not good enough. It is two days before Christmas. What do I do? She has two children who are like my own, and we have a 6 year old daughter together. We are both of a mature age where this should not be happening.
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christmas, drunk, facebook, jealous, one night stand Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, somewhere_between +, writes (24 December 2012):
 She may believe she loves you. That is only because she wants the security of a steady relationship. Her other life is HER life and not yours. You are not supposed to know about that one. Her disrespect for you is here to stay. You know what you have to do.
A
female
reader, Jeanette82 +, writes (24 December 2012):
 "I have tried my best to be what she wants me to be, but something about me is not good enough". That is because nothing will ever be good enough no matter what. It is not you, it is her. Her behaviour is just typical cheat behaviour. You are being abused and need to get out asap.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2012): Dating site and hidden phone. That is not acceptible in a relationship and can only be read one way. Dump her.
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A
male
reader, Jimmy.L. +, writes (23 December 2012):
People like her can be possessive, jealous and demanding because they imagine everyone else is the same as them. She has been and always will be abusive. You need to break free of her.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (23 December 2012):
 WHY spend even another few minutes in a situation such as you described????????
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2012): You're in an emotional abusive relationship. I've been there recognize it right off.Words hurt just as much as fists. If she wants to be on dating sites and have secret mobile phones, let her. You don't have to take part in it! She has broken your spirit down to the point that you feel that you're the problem. This is called deflective behavior. All abusers have that. They justify their wrong doing by putting the blame on you. When in fact they don't have to exhibit the behavior at all. Leave now! Go to family court or whatever its called in your country for visitation and child support and live you're life drama free! Don't allow this woman to damper your beliefs that all women behaves this way because we don't. You deserve peace and happiness. It's already enough BS out there you can't control. You most definitely can control this one! Best of luck to you!
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A
female
reader, [?]BitterSweetFinale;[?] +, writes (23 December 2012):
![[?]BitterSweetFinale;[?] agony aunt](/avatars/7bb1e9ea-6c2f-43b8-a4f7-0635b7eff08c.png) This is a dangerous relationship, I really think you need to get out. Sort out a custody agreement for your daughter because this relationship and environment isn't healthy at all, especially not for you. I think the best way to get out of it, is to have a one on one conversation discussing how you want a divorce, you can tell what you'd like to do, such as moving out and finding a new place to live. Not sure what would happen with your daughter, I think she'd be better off living with you and staying with her mother on the weekends. This is just my opinion. I do not think this is a suitable relationship for you. And no one deserves that sort of abuse whether it's only verbal. If it's both physical and verbal, get out now. It's the best thing to do. Feel better, you are a great person and your life is full of so much purpose. I wish you the best. :]
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (23 December 2012):
Counseling. You won't get any advice here that can help you. Personally, I'd leave her, but she sounds like she'd make your life hell if you did, so you have to be careful.
I do want to say that at one point my marriage got to be pretty bad. My wife told me she wanted a divorce and to see other people in the mean time. Well, that was a wake up call- it reminded me how much I loved her and caused me to seek answers about what I was doing that drove her to that point.
I honestly tried my hardest to understand where she was coming from and it was like a switch was flicked on in my head. I worked to show her the I finally understood her and would be the husband she thought I would be when we got married. She made me win her back and things have been great ever since.
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