A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I love my boyfriend so much. I just recently moved in with him(his idea). We have been looking at condos together, we talk about getting married and having children one day. He asked me to start managing his property so we can get more property and start working on building our future together. BUT...I just recently found out that he has been talking to his ex behind my back for the past 3 months. Normally I wouldn't mind someone I'm with talking to their ex's because I have always been the type of person to remain friends with my ex's. BUT, he had said that that is something he doesn't like or think is good for a relationship. So after a few months of us being together I stopped talking to all my ex's because he was worth it to me. they were in the past and as far as i was concerned, he is my future. Well apartently while he was gone overseas for work back in Jan. he got really mad at me because he saw something that made him think that i was talking to an ex and when he asked me about it, i told him i wasn't.(becuase i wasn't) Well he didn't believe me so he decided to get back in touch with his. Well just a few days ago i see his ex's name popp up on his skype. when i asked him about it he told me he hadn't talked to her, that he didn't even know they were still friends on skype anymore. I decided to let it go and try to trust him. He's always been a very honest person. and preaches about trust and loyalty. All night i couldn't sleep it kept bothering me. the next day when he left for work. i went to use his computer and his skype came up again. thats when i noticed that it said "top contacts". clearly he had been talking to her. so i clicked on her name and read the last 3 months of there converstaions. I saw where they had phone conversations as well.. now, in none of the conversations was there anything that was like.. oh baby i miss you or stuff like that ust general convo's like, how you been, and blah blah blah.. BUT at one point he did invite her on a vacation with him to austrailia!! :( :( Well I pack up all my stuff and left. when he calle me on his way home, I confronted him about him lying to my face about speaking with her and about asking her to go on vacation with her. I just don't understand why he would be looking at places to buy with me, talking about marryin me and having children with me if it clearly seems like he still has feelings for her. after confronting him, he has apologized numerous times, has admitted how wrong he is. admits that he knows how bad it looks but he doesn't want her, he doesn't have feelings for her and that I am who he wants to spend the rest of his life with. He says he was just really angry with me cause he thought i was lying to him and talkin to my ex so he decided to do the same. I guess my biggest problem is that he 1. lied to my face about it. and 2. he continued to talk to her for 3 months and INVITED HER ON VACATION with him!! I just don't understand why?? all he can say is that he was angry with me, but I'm having a hard time accepting that answer, I mean.. while he was talking to her behind my back, i thought everything was fine. I had started managing his property like he asked, i was getting work done on his place, he asked me to move in with him and I did. so why would he do this?? and how do I forgive him for it. I want to be with him. and this is the first time he's ever done anythign wrong by me. he is an amazing man in every other way. but my heart hurts everytime i think about what he did. He didn't actually cheat on me, but I almost feel like he did. I believe that he is truely sorry and i want to move on from this. I just don't know how!please, any advice.. I know this is long.. i'm sorry..
View related questions:
his ex, move on, moved in, my ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2011): I feel for you. It sounds very immature of him to start talking to his ex just because he thought you were talking to yours. It seems you two had trust issues before, since he didn't believe you when you told him you were not talking to your ex. Still, that's not an excuse for him.
What did he say about the Australia vacation? He needs to explain it thoroughly.
Now he has broken your trust so he needs to earn it back. He should make it clear to her that he is not going to contact her anymore, and let you be able to see his emails and conversations at least until you can really trust him again. It's up to you and him to decide how he will be accountable to you. He needs to take concrete steps like this, and explain his reasons in detail. It might uncover some other jealousy and insecurity issues within your relationship.
|
