A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I wrote a while ago regarding my boy friend ogling other women.I did not see him for 10 days, I asked him for a short break. We do not live together.I have told him many times that his ogling other women is upsetting me and he has to either help me or leave me. He does not want to but he does not stop, he says everyone does it.Last night he came over, we went to our local supermarket. There is a girl in there who is about my age but he thinks she is 20 years old only.He always checks her out. he turns his neck to look at her. He has been doing it for the past 2 years non-stop.He did that again last night, as usual I felt sad and not good enough for him and he prefers these women and that he is only with me as he cannot have these other women, and I could not sleep all night.I have been told I am much better looking woman than she is but that is the point. it does not make any difference who is better. I feel like telling he should go and ask her out and leave me alone.She also stares at him. part of me says go to her and pass on his number to him and let them get together if they have not done so already.I'd rather be alone than with someone and unhappy.I have talked to him about this before, should I tell him again. He sent me a text today, asking me out to dinner I ignored it, he wrote to me now and said he is sad, I said you have chosen your life and that I regret allowing people walking over me. he asked "I hope you do not think I have walked over you".I have not replied yet.I feel like sending him a text saying yes, you do even when I tell you what hurts me you continue to do so.You show me the women you fancy..we are going away next weekend, but I am very unhappy as he will ogle other women in restaurants and everywhere.Should I tell him or ignore it or just leave him.. I love him. why?? I ask myself.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2011): My fiance not only ogles women when we leave to go out, he also has taken pictures of them in bikini's and butt shots too when we are on vacation together. Surprisingly, he never hid the pictures from me. I am deeply offended by this. That has about put the nail in the coffin for me in regards to this relationship. I'm starting to think he is a pervert. My fiance rubbernecks women all the time. When we are in our house without and "distractions" things are actually wonderful between us. But as soon as we go out in to the public it all changes. I've seen him try to call attention to himself so a pretty girl in a restuarant may notice him. His whole body language changes and becomes more open. He'll ask for more coffee just so he can linger and get a look at the other lady. He'll get up and walk around even. It's every where and any where that he will ogle. He said that he is just being a guy. We have talked about this many times and I still catch him doing this. Not only that, but he tells me how pretty co-workers are, celebrities, random women on the street. My self esteem has plummeted. I ask myself, why do I allow myself to be with someone who treats me like this. On the flip side he tells me everyday that he loves me. He doesn't do drugs, drink or smoke. He is a very hard worker. But yet I feel like a doormat. The economy is bad here in the US so if I did leave I feel like I would head into poverty. That is basically why I am holding on. In the end it is your call. There are guys out there that will treat you better. If it makes you feel bad about yourself, than it's no good. Love should be easy and not have so many tears along the way. I need to heed my own advice.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionDear Lysha, Many thanks for giving me your advise, it is much appreciated. I am a mother of a 17 year old boy and I think your generations are more honest.I have told him how it makes me feel many times in a nice way, again in anger, over and over, and twice in front of girls he was ogling and smiling to, I asked him to exchange numbers with them.In front of me the shop assistant accused him of staring at women. she did it in a banter but I know she meant it, and he did not challenge her.He himself told me that once he was crossing the road, a very young English girl shouted at him, accusing him of ogling her and she has called him a dirty old man. He claims he was not looking at her and he also says he people watches and not ogles, but he stares for long time for minutes, he may look away and look back again and again at the girl. if in car he watches the girl till she disappears.He is a very manipulative person.
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A
female
reader, lysha +, writes (7 April 2011):
 this is obviously bringing you down an awful lot, so tell him +make sure he knows that you mean it, tell him exactly how you feel about this situation but also add in how much he means to you and explain why its hurting you so much, but the massiv point is, dont let him but in or stop you, and dont let him woo you over by a sorry or a ok ill stop when your only halfway through explaining to him, because this shows he just wants you to be quiet, after this if he still carries on then yes ithink personally you should break up with him, he may say your prettier than other girls and he only wants you, but it obviously makes you think different' if he is happy with you+content with you then he shouldnt feel the need to look at other women, make it clear to him that this is his last chance! if he wont do this for you then he isn't worth it, ive only just signed up, and im only 17, but very mature, my relationship is going very well, and as ifound out its better to tell them EXACTLY how you feel, if they care about you that much they will understand, ihope this has helped xx
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2011): "I feel like telling he should go and ask her out and leave me alone."
This is the only correct course of action, the only healthy psychological course. Hard, but healthy, and needs to be done.
What he is doing is a form of abuse, seriously, it is quite damaging to other people psychologically.
Don't be abused, find someone who really loves you.
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