A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi I started seeing this guy from the Middle East and really enjoyed him . The thing was he was always with his friend. His friend is married and 'bi' and would show up on our dates and call if he wasn't there! I mean it felt like his friend was his boyfriend and jealous of me! After a number of comments from my friends who found this odd I straight up asked him if he was gay or in a relationship with the friend. He said no they were only best friends. I believed him but I also can see that his friend is definitely more than interested in him . The friend takes him to gay bars brings over gay dates to my friends house late at night watches gay porn at his house even brought a cross dresser with him on one of our dates where he suddenly showed up. I feel he is trying to sway him but it is also a difficult thing to talk about because my friend seems to be sickened by the idea of gays and yet he allows this guy to do all these things? The romance for us has stopped now and I would have to say it was because we never got to spend time alone together and this long term 'freind' just wouldn't allow it :( . I don't dislike the 'friend' but to everyone we knew he was very manipulative and jealous of me and this guy dating . People observed it and commented on it but my boyfriend just seemed blind to it. You think he is in denial? I feel awful because it seems I've lost a relationship with a really great guy because of another woman (who is a man) and yet they aren't in a sexual relationship but for all intensive purposes seem to be a couple. Feeling sad and ill any help out there? I thought perhaps he had experimented but he adamently denied it . But the fact is , it may be interesting to go to gay bars etc a few times but every weekend when you aren't and have someone you care about?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Another_Kapiti  +, writes (15 November 2009):
 Well, that's a bit of a curly one! I'd personally advise to let this one go, better a little hurt now than a big hurt down the track...
There is obviously something amiss here that your boyfriend is either oblivious to or there are other underlying issues that he doesn't want to go into...
I could understand having a 'chaperone' if he were younger, maybe a cultural thing?! Though it does sound like his friend wants to be way more than friends! If you try to come between them I'm afraid that you will be the one left by the wayside, so for your own sake (and sanity) let him go, but tell him why.
If he's really into you then let him come to you but say that you are tired of his friend 'crashing' your dates and until this changes, you want out!
Good luck =)
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