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female
,
anonymous
writes: Does anyone know why a man can suddenly want to end a relationship that 'appeared' to be great? My boyfriend of 2 1/2 years had always been infatuated with me, wanted us to get married and spend the rest of his life with me. He used to tell me he loved me everyday and that i was the prettiest girl he had ever been with. We had a daughter that we both love very much, she was unplanned and i got pregnant with her quite early on in our relationship. We both seemed to adjust to being a family despite it not being something we had spoken about. Then i got pregnant again soon after (again unplanned), we knew it would be hardwork but accepted the fact that there would be another addition to our family. Everything was still good between us. But then when i was 8 months pregnant he told me he was unhappy, without giving an explanation why. Our baby is now 2 months old and my boyfriend is living back at his parents. We haven't properley split up but we might as well have, the little interest he is showing in me. He is still paying the mortgage and the bills which i can't understand. If he wanted to break up he would be wanting to sell the house rather than shell out on it surely. He also says he would like to stay with me if things could get back to the way they once were. Because i don't know the reason why he became unhappy in the first place, it is awkward to know exactly what he means, also he is making no effort to be his old self, so hows that gonna happen. Does anyone know how a man's mind works? Help me please!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2006): Am yinka,male from nigerian, actually i browse the net to seek for advice becuase am in the same shoe as you are but i find out thousand of people are in the same problem as am in . the reason why the man is break up it because you are not 1, you are not honestry to him2, maybe you have another guy that you sleep around with 3, what are your contribution to growth of the relationship in term of financial, caring, loving,making him happy ? are u a lazy human being, you believe ur guy should or will provide ur need and 4 the children ?plz if u can ans the question correctly base on ur personal knowlegbe u will see that am saying the truth. bye 4 now
A
female
reader, Aunt Audrey  +, writes (12 April 2006):
 I think thing have moved a little too quickly for your man, and he has found himself feeling trapped.
You need to sit him down and find out what he's thinking and what went wrong for him.
Having children changes a relationship dramatically and now you have two children, he may feel that your time is taken up more and more with the children, leaving less time for him.
If it is possible I would try and find a family member to look after the children, go out and spend some time together and try to get to the bottom of his decision to leave you, and see if there is anyway you can put the spark back into your relationship.
He is probably still paying the morgage and the bills to ensure you and the children are taken care of, he is taking his responcibilities as a father seriously.
You may find he just needs some space and time to get his head together, talk to him, but don't push him too hard to come back right now, let him do things in his own time for now, but make it clear you won't be left on the backburner forever.
The other option you have is to finish the relationship with him once and for all and try to move on yourself, hard I know, but at least you would know where you stand.
No doubt this situation is hurting you considerably, but you have little choice than to let him work things out for himself, live in hope of him coming back, or get on with your life without him.
Good luck.x
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