A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:so i have been seeing someone for about 2 years now, we are both military and it is now the time for me to rotate to a new duty and he will not be able to come with me. We both love each other very much but the closer i get to leaving, the more distant he becomes. Can someone please help me understand why he is doing this, like why he is staying away instead of enjoying the last few moments we have together. I figured that since we wont see each other once i move, he would be spending as much time with me as he can before i leave but that doesn't seem to be the case. This really hurts. Why would a man do this?
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (24 October 2017):
 You need to sit down and talk to him, it sounds like he is trying to protect you both and make the separation easier. You need to sit with him and ask him is he still wanting to keep the relationship going? If you don't keep up communication at this point it will be so much harder down the line.
A
female
reader, femmenoir  +, writes (23 October 2017):
 It sounds as though he really cares for you and isn't going to find your leaving easy at all, hence his behaviour.
The worst part is, what's the future picture looking like for the two of you?
He may have a lot more in mind for you both and if you've given him no idea, of what's in stall for the future of your relationship, then he may not want to see you too much at this stage, because the pain of you leaving and perhaps forever, may be just too much for him to bear.
You may have to share your thoughts and feelings with him and see what happens.
If you are serious about a long term future with him, then tell him and tell him sooner, rather than later.
If you don't see him as part of your future, then it's best to allow him his space and talk to him via the phone regarding your true thoughts/feelings.
Whatever you final decision, you want to do the right thing and not add fuel to fire.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (23 October 2017):
 You feel you should make the BEST of the little time you have together... he feels pulling away now is the least painful.
If you are in the Armed Forces you should know this is how MANY people react to PCS's and deployments. This is super common. MORE so in men than women. I've seen it so many times. Even when people are married THIS happens before a deployment. While a deployment is different from a PCS - in some respects for you two it's similar enough that he feels he needs to distance himself to cope with you leaving.
It has nothing to do with lack of care or feelings but pulling away now seems like it might lower the amount of hurt and drama. "Let's make the best of it" might feel more like "Let's pour salt in the wound until you are PCS'd and gone"...
Think about this, when high school kids are dating (not calling you a high school kid but it might paint a picture you can easily connect to) and EITHER teen gets into a different college/uni and the other either didn't get in/ can't afford it/still has a year in HS or have other future goals - many of these couples end up breaking up BEFORE start of school because they know that an LDR is unlikely to work and they BOTH will be "starting" over.
Are you two planning an LDR? Or to work out HOW you can BOTH end up at the same duty station again in the near future?
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A
male
reader, Denizen  +, writes (23 October 2017):
 He is possibly trying to protect himself from the hurt by denying his feelings. It would be like ripping the sticking plaster off quickly instead of the slow gentle peeling away. He could also be trying to distract himself from the loss. He is rehearsing how he is going to manage. Seeing what it feels like to be without you.
That would be my guess.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2017): He's pushing you away as he thinks it will hurt less when you go. Plan a few days out. Talk to him. Does he still see a future with you being so far apart?
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