A
female
age
36-40,
*lackruby
writes:Hey all,This isn't an urgent question or anything, I am just curious. When I first got with my boyfriend, we obviously talk about our past relationships, I told him how many guys I had been with, he told me how many girls he had been with. He said he'd slept with 2 girls, which is less than my number, but I didn't have a problem with that.Then around 3 months in, after we had been sleeping together fairly regularly, he makes a confession, he lied and was actually a virgin. I was shocked but not hurt or upset, I kinda wish I had known so I could have made it more special for him.My question is really, why would a guy lie and say he wasn't a virgin when he was?Blackruby Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Mr Raindog  +, writes (15 August 2007):
 I've heard of guys "playing the V-card" so-to-speak, but that's only been in situations where the guy was trying to pick up the girl and used it as a flirting mechanism, even though both of them knew the guy was lying. Playing a game where they dance around the lie.
In this guy's situation, I would guess that the opposite is true, that he wanted you to feel secure by thinking that he knew what he was doing even if the opposite was true. I mean, he'd know where it goes, but in terms of rhythms, positions, pace, endurance, ect, he has no prior experience to go upon except the stuff he may of seen in pornos.
By deflecting the attention off of him and by not making a big deal out of "his first time," he may have lied for a more natural first experience and so that you wouldn't be thinking him as awkward or inadequate or maybe even some kind of loser for not having had a first time already.
Plus, add in the dishonor that comes in being inexperienced and the modern woman that says that she needs a "man" to satisfy her in bed, perhaps he was scared that if wasn't performing up to standards that he might lose you.
In other words, there are many, many reasons why a guy might lie about something like that. Kudos to you for wanting to make it more special for him, even if you found out after the fact.
A
male
reader, mtweed417 +, writes (13 August 2007):
See i agree to some of this but not all. See men need confidence to perform, I went through the exact same thing and i lied cause i knew what i was doing and although i could never imagined how good it felt. But i didnt lie because of fear of her leaving i lied because if she thought i was experianced then she would be focused more on herself cumming and that made me more into it. But if she felt she had to be nice and supportive and make sure i knew what i was doing id be worried about doing something wrong ect.
Lil story for ya when i did finally do it, we flipped out of a recliner and it totally broke the ice enough after to tell her. lol But now that she new she attacked me and gave it to me good which is moreso a "more speacial time" then all that sencual lovey dovey stuff.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2007): I agree with Dr Pete and FlowerGirl, he must have been embarrassed or maybe intimidated by your experience. Maybe he felt he would be less nervous about your first time together if you didn't know he was a virgin. It is a shame he couldn't tell you straight away but at least he told you in the end. I can understand why he wouldn't have said anything, my boyfriend doesnt officially know that I'm a virgin (although he may have guessed) and I should tell him or at least mention the subject but I'm to shy to bring it up and its really embarrassing for me. The problem is I can't ask him if he is or not because then I would have to tell him about me being a virgin. Argh sorry I kinda made that about me then. I think guys have a lot to live up to when it comes to having sex- some guys think girls being a virgin is hot but when guys are virgins they are sometimes made fun of so I guess thats why guys would lie about it. xxx
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A
female
reader, flower girl +, writes (13 August 2007):
 I have to agree with Dr Pete it was probably due to embarrasement or something i would not worry about it it's all in the past.
Take care.xx.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2007): Feeling inadequate. He probably thought you'd think badly of him if he were a virgin.
There have been questions on here where girls have been turned off a guy and dumped them because they haven't had any experience so I do think there might be a bit of a stigma about it.
It's so nice to hear you would have made it extra special for him, you sound like a supportive girlfriend whereas other girls would have rejected him because of it.
It is a shame he couldn't be honest but I suspect he probably felt like his virginity was a problem, I remember feeling massively insecure when I was in your boyfriends position once. I'm glad though he has been able to be honest about it, it shows that he trusts you on an intimate level. :)
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