A
male
age
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*en1043
writes:After getting some advise from this web site, I have one more question.Myfriend and I were members in the a club, there are meeting every Monday nights, Should I continue to attend those meeting, she is a officer in this club. I have a lot of friends and we do a lot of activities together. She said when she broke up with me she wanted time and space from me. I don't foresee us getting back together, I have been hurt pretty bad. but I have left the door open. What I don't understand, she will not talk to me about anything. she has basically disappeared, I heard she was depress all last week, I don't understand why she would be depress. I found out she got drunk last saturday, this is not her. what going on. [Mod note: age of poster is 70]
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2014): Sir, if someone goes out of their way to avoid you, and they don't respond to calls or letters. You give up and leave them alone. You are only repeating the same things over. So why should she want to hear it, or talk about it?
Your post says she will not talk to you. That is because she is going "no contact" and she doesn't want to. Even if you let three weeks go by, fine. She wants you to stop trying to reach her altogether.
Finding her through relatives when she is avoiding you, is over-stepping boundaries; and a violation of her privacy.
Using your friendship with her father to track her whereabouts is manipulative, and an abuse of trust.
You may not have had problems before this; but you are dealing with this lady now. She isn't interested in making up with you; or maintaining friendship. She has demonstrated that by not responding to you.
Leaving her alone for a few weeks, is not the same as moving on. She does not want to hear from you, or see
you.
Going to the meeting when you're having issues with a person; requires you to use some discretion and sensitivity.
It isn't going to hurt you to miss the meeting. She must go; because she is an officer for the club. Therefore; she has an obligation, under an official capacity, to members to be there. You can opt out of this meeting, and could consider finding yourself another club.
She can seek assistance from law enforcement, if things persists beyond her comfort-zone. So be careful.
Simply put, you are the male-participant in this situation; so the intimidation-factor tilts more in your direction. Do you get it?
A
male
reader, ken1043 +, writes (10 March 2014):
ken1043 is verified as being by the original poster of the question I am not forcing myself onto her, matter of fact, I haven't contacted her in weeks. I just wanted to get some advise, if I should attend this meeting tonight, because she will be there. I am aware about not contacting her. I was married for 38 years, when my wife died, I haven't had any problems with girls in over 40 years, and it hurt. yes i will not contact her. but do I give up my friends because of this situation.
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A
male
reader, ken1043 +, writes (10 March 2014):
ken1043 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYour answer is great, but I would like to say this, I only contacted her 3 times the first week when she broke up with me, to try and see what the problems were, she made up excuses, I have not contacted her in the last 3 weeks, The only contact I made was sending a finished video I made when we went to the grand canyon, and that was e-mailed
. I have avoided going to all the places we use to hang out. I am a good friend of her father, and this is where I get the info. I am trying to move on, I still love this girl, If i hadn't send her a letter telling her how she hurt me on Feb 14, we would probably still be a couple.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2014): She is hurting because she just broke-up, and she is not happy. She may also be upset; because you won't leave her alone.
You are leaving the door open for your own selfish reasons. She has no intention of coming back, and she can't enjoy the club; because you're there. Trying to corner her into talking to you, and insisting she take you back when she doesn't want to.
Being stubborn and forcing yourself on people is not a healthy sign. Breaking up is painful for everyone involved.
You are an older-gentlemen, mature enough to know better.
She doesn't have to talk about things. She is done with that, and just wants to move on.
You're refusing to allow this to happen; so she has to go no contact and hide. She hopes you will finally just go away and leave her alone.
She is trying to get through her pain and start the detachment process from the relationship. You are relentlessly clinging on, blocking her from her duties and activities at the club.
You should not attend the meetings, until you can deal with the fact she doesn't want to be with you anymore. Seeing her and being in the same places she is, will never allow you to get over her.
So she'll probably have to quit, or make a complaint to the club management that you are making her uncomfortable.
I know you are hurting too. You have to man-up and let go of a woman who doesn't want you anymore.
If she did come back, it should be of her own free-will.
Not because she was cornered, and had no choice.
"Leaving the door open;" as you say, will only leave you waiting in frustration. Close that door, and just move on.
Getting drunk only meant she is upset. Breaking up with someone isn't fun. Dealing with their reaction to rejection is very difficult.
Self-medicating with alcohol is not a good way of handling things. If you're dealing with a person who will not give you your space; the pain and frustration may force you to do drastic things, or use poor judgement. Just as you are doing.
Dear sir, let the lady go; and deal with your suffering and grief like a man.
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