A
male
age
,
*itman44
writes:My wife and I have been been married 13 years. We have a great relationship and a good sex life. When we make love I often masturbate her before having intercourse, and she enjoys it a lot! I would love her to masturbate me too sometimes but, although she touches me, she never wants to bring to orgasm that way. How can I persuade her to give it a try?
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female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (24 April 2008):
 Susan, that's funny! It could be something as simple as that, poster, but I agree with Susan that you need to communicate with her.
Here are two thoughts on how to go about it. One is to have an open and loving discussion about sex sometime when you're not in bed or having a fight. When you're both relaxed and comfortable at home, for example. Don't make it a big deal, don't tell her you're unhappy, just tell her that you were wondering about your intimate moments and wanted to talk about your feelings. Tell her that you love her and so enjoy sex with her that you want to make it even better. You know your wife and how she thinks so use your good judgement here; I think the key is to make it non-confrontational, make it supportive and loving.
The second idea is to let her know when you're in bed with her how sexy you find her hand on your penis, especially when she's touching you. Tell her it makes you feel so good when she strokes you. Talk about how great she makes you feel... She may be concerned that not having intercourse means that you're not satisfied. Oh, that sounded clumsy, but we women are often programmed that a man has to be satisfied only through oral or vaginal sex.
It also may be that her hand gets tired? I don't know, but these are just some theories.
She may not know that you find this aspect of your sex life lacking; sometimes we get caught up the idea of what constitutes 'correct' sex. You know, first do A, then do B, then do C. She may not realize that intercourse isn't the be-all and end-all of sex for you!
It all boils down to communicating your desires in a healthy, loving way! And reciprocating, of course, as it sounds like you do.
Hope this helps.
A
female
reader, Susan Strict +, writes (24 April 2008):
 Ask her why. If you've been married for 13 years, have "a great relationship and a good sex life", at the very least you must be able to communicate!!
It's probably not too complicated - maybe something as simple as "if you do that in the bed then I'll have to wash the sheets again..."
Ask her!!!
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