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female
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anonymous
writes: I am in my twenties and have been seeing a guy from work for almost a year. He has been with his girlfriend for nearly 3 years and although i have never asked him, he has made it clear that he will not leave her. They do not see each other regularly and when she asked if they could move in together, he said no. Me and him are really good mates and as well as sex, we do spend a lot of quality time together. He always tells me that he really likes me and is so confused and torn about his feelings. He says he is in love with his girlfriend but has an amazing time with me etc. I have tried to finish it several times, but he gets really upset and says how much he misses my company, going for drinks and having fun. I am hoping to meet someone else who i can have a proper relationship with cos i know that the present one will only end in tears, but its hard when you're looking! i really do like this guy and i dont understand why he won't leave his girlfrind and be with me? i know he likes me and enjoys being with me so what is holding him back? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your advice. Everything you all have said, I know is true. It's just hard when you really like someone and see them every day. I know what I have to do and I hope to be strong enough to do it. I'm planning to go out with my girlfriends more and spend less time with him so that i can meet someone better which i know i deserve. thank you all.
A
male
reader, Lostandalone  +, writes (11 September 2006):
 For G-D's sake, why would you want him? So you can be the next girlfriend that gets treated this way. However your relationship starts is how it is damned to end. You are walking into a storm. Cry your tears on your own terms and walk away. You will be grateful you did down the road. Good Luck.
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A
female
reader, Angel_A +, writes (11 September 2006):
 Sadly I think the poster above is spot on, this guy has everything he wants at his fingertips, 2 women; and whilst you carry on accepting this then he will carry on enjoying the luxury of 2 women that want him and pander to his ego.
He's made it pretty clear he isn't going to leave his gf, and after all this time I think that he was being straight with you at least on that score, whether he says he's confused or not he doesn't seem to be about this?
Its time for ultimatums sadly, or this could drift for years and then when you finally realise he and you are not going to be together you'll have wasted so many years on him with nothing at the end of it except for tears and sadness, yours.
Take care x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2006): This guy is a player, what he is not getting from his girlfriend 'Good sex and fun' he is getting from you. He is having his cake and eating it. The longer you sleep with this guy the more attached to him you will become and you will end up breaking your heart. He doesn't see you as relationship material otherwise he would have fully committed to you by now but he hasn't. The sooner you stop sleeping with this guy the better for your own wellbeing. As difficult as it is, you will never be able to move forward from this relationship and find someone who is prepared to give you the 100% you deserve. I have been in a similar situation myself, its frustrating, it hurts like mad and eventually your self esteem hits rock bottom. Please move on, he's not worth waiting for, because he will never be yours. Sorry.
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