A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been going out with my boyfriend for almost 3 years. I am 20 and he is 21. We have always taken things slow and have by no means been rash or irresponsible. My parents have always bestowed a lot of trust in me and they are far from strict which I feel has made me a more responsible and mature being. My parents are realistic and know that most young people are having sex. They are fine with my boyfriend sleeping over and trust that I will take the proper safe sex precautions. At his house it is another story however. His parents do not allow me to sleep over under any circumstances. I do not understand this mentality however. They are fine with my boyfriend sleeping at my house so I do not see the problem. Surely they assume we have sex. I am not noisy and most often when I want to sleep over it is purely to sleep. I have slept over before when his parents were away and was actually told off by my boyrfiend's older sister. I felt so demoralised. I would prefer it if my boyfriend would sleep at mine yet he never does because I have a single bed which is a bit ridiculous to have to share. I am an adult yet I feel like a sneaky teenager because of these rules. It feels awful and is such a stark contrast to how I feel within my own home. As I said my parents trust me and are fairly laid back which makes me want to be responsible in order to reciprocate their trust. Frankly I think giving your children rights (especially when they are adults) is the best way to ensure their reliablilty. In fact the most rebellious friends I have were brought up in strict households. Around my boyfriend's house I feel so belittled. I no longer feel like an adult yet a horrible, disobedient child. I do not believe I am doing anything wrong, so can someone please explain their mentality behind these rules? Is it purely that they believe that if I get pregnant at least it will not have occurred under their roof? This is the only reason I can come up with which I feel is a slightly immature one. Again I practice safe sex so this is unlikely yet this is besides the point. If anything were to happen it shouldn't be a case of blame as in whose parents are more responsible. Besides it is not the fault of the parents I believe yet the children. Trust your children to take responsibiliy for their own actions and they are more likely to do so is what I am trying to say.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2010): well here is a clue... IT'S THEIR HOUSE... if you wanna act so grown why don't you guys get your own place? i mean seriously what are you doing living at home at your age?
A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (13 February 2010):
 His parents have the right to determine what goes on under their roof. It may have nothing to do with safe sex or responsible sex. It may instead be that they don't want to condone premarital sex. If they don't approve of premarital sex, it's hardly your place to tell them they're wrong.
You would no doubt get along better with them if you respected their wishes, regardless of how valid or otherwise you think those wishes are.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2010): It's THEIR house and they probably just aren't comfortable with the fact that their son is engaging in sexual activity. This can be very awkward and uncomfortable for parents, making them less accepting of the situation.
I was in a sort of similar situation, though kind of different. One night, I just stayed at their house with my boyfriend. I don't think his super strict, clean, ultra christian mom was too thrilled, but they allowed it. His sister, ironically, HATED the concept because after a while, I was over there often (though remained trapped in his room). Later it was revealed how uncomfortable it made his mom and sister (who didn't even live there) and his sister doesn't even talk to me.
What remedied the situation? My boyfriend flying off the handle and telling his mom and sister..."Look, I waited longer than either of you. I'm not going to stop having sex with my girlfriend, whether it's here or at her place."
They backed off. Your boyfriend's parents may never be okay with the idea, so my only other suggestion, because it'd be awkward to bring this up with them, is to invest in a full sized bed (at least) to accomodate his presence at your house. That way, you won't HAVE to go over there often. There's really not much else you can do unless you really want to get into an awkward, lengthy conversation with them.
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